My First Interview.

Jormengrund had a post about interview questions and I jumped on board. So here goes.

1. You and your son are quite the pair. Define a "perfect" moment in your lives.

I know this is where I am suppose to say some deep moment that makes all you go awww. But I cant! I can't just pick one moment, its not even possible. Every moment with my son is perfect. When I was young I never wanted kids. My son has changed my life in so many amazing ways. Every Day I think I only get this day with him once, I live by this. I love his humor, his love and at this age his crazy ass ways. He truly does complete me.

2. What would be your "ideal man" if he existed?

For the record I think he exits, I just don't think he exists right now. I am a very independent, strong minded person. I want a man who not only understands that, but appreciates it. In that same breath I want a man strong enough to handle me, accept me, and calm me in times of my craziness. I always joke about money, but in reality I can make my own. I want a man who isn't jealous. One who is funny, honest and definitely not a hermit. Last but not least....My son has to like him! They don't have to love each other. But if my son doesn't like him there is no chance. Been there done that. I believe my prime age for marriage or settling down is 45. At that time I believe there will be plenty of the men above.

3. You have a list of 35 things to do before you turn 35. If you don't complete them, will it become 40 things to do before you turn 40, and what, if any, will change because of your age?

I will complete my 35 before 35. The list isn't about doing these things because of my age. I made this list to remind myself to make these next few months about me. To give myself an excuse to do things for me. I am going to make it a point to make one of these lists ever year.

4. You love girly-type things, and pink! Name something completely un-girly that you have as some kind of "mannish" secret.

I am very girly. I don't change oil or fix tires and I don't like to get dirty at all. I do love to fish. However, I don't like to bait my hook or take the fish off, sick!!!!! That being said I think its only fair to tell you this. When I go I have a pink pole, pink chair, pink lures and pink ice chest. That is no joke!

5. If you had one dream of yours that could come true, regardless of how outlandish it could be, what would you pick, and why?

If I only had one dream it would be that my son goes to college. That he Finds a nice normal woman and has a life with very few downs. 

Jormen, thank you so much this was a lot of fun. I will pass on the tradition if anyone wants 5 interview questions let me know!

Side Note: Those are my interview shoes.

Tin Truths 21

1. Last night I had frito pie and cookies

2. I am now hooked on Rockstar "shots"

3. I can feel tension in the air everywhere, its a strange feeling

4. I cringe when I drive through the toll road thingy

5. My son turns 14 on Sunday and I am trying to find drums.

6. I think I want a new kitty

7. Stupid people........drive me crazy.

8. Family and Friends have been off lately

9. I love adding machines

10. I don't like it when you take a drink, and you can feel it go all the way down.

Side Note: is it just me or does #7 sound like a country song?

WA #4

Go ahead you know you want to play.

Spoon :: Fed

Dice :: Damp

Mirror :: Mirror

Poster :: Child

Restroom :: Raiders

Creative :: Minds

Mice :: Men

Sex :: Talk

Taffy :: Taker

Lover :: Lock

Side Note: I want that pillow!

duck, duck, goose

Okay not really. Today I got tagged by Linda at "Silly Little Mischief". So here goes.

Make a list of things you can see without getting up:I am in my dream office to many things to list. flowers, candles, pics.

What were you like when you were five? Beautiful, talented, cute.....uhhh probably a brat.

What are you wearing now? a grey amy's ice cream shirt, blue pajama bottoms and a hello kitty bandanna on my head. Not so cute.

What story/book/novel have you read over and over again in your life? Gone with the Wind.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading? I hope there's beer in hell.

Do you nap a lot? No hardly ever. For some reason when I nap I wake up in a really, really bad mood.

Who was the last person you hugged? J

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Jason Miraz

What was the last thing you ate today? Boiled Egg

What was the last thing you said aloud? brown chicken brown cow

What websites do you always visit when you go online? MSNBC, Facebook, Sephora and BOA

What was the last thing you bought? Lip Gloss from Sephora

What are you listening to right now? The Gourds

What movie are (or were!) you most excited to show your kids? E.T.

If you could have any super power, what would it be? Invisibility

What is your favorite weather, and why? Sunny, and 70. I love the sun and a cool breeze always helps.

If you could eat anything right now what would it be? Sushi, Sashimi, Tuna Tartare, Sake, must I go on.

What is your most challenging goal right now? Losing 30 pounds.

Say something to the person who tagged you: Linda, I can't believe you own a snuggie. My step dad would be jealous.

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? Italy

Favorite vacation spot? Vegas Baby

What is your favorite children’s book? Winn Dixie

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you: Vodka

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be? Gus Hansen

What is your Mom's best asset? I wish I had my mom's legs, they are beautiful. love u mom!

TAGGED: You know the drill, whoever wants to play can. 

THE RULES:

Step 1: respond and rework—answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.

A funny thing happened to me.....

at the bar. This weekend I went to the little neighborhood dive bar. To call it a dive is an understatement. This place is beyond dive but the people are great. SO i sit at the bar and the guy next to me says "wow, is that you. you smell great". I say yes of course I smell amazing. Not really, but you get the point. He then says "I just got a new cologne its called come to me. Does it smell like cum to u". The only reason that this made me laugh is because the guy was very old. Old and still kicking out one liners at the bar, classic.

My cousin called me Friday afternoon to tell me that she had just booked a trip to Paris. She leaves in 5 days, now that is a whim. This reminded me how easy it is to travel. I am adding get a passport, to my 35 before 35.

My mom loves Jason Miraz. I turned her onto him at Christmas and I think that's really cool.

Anyways here are my two deep thoughts for the day.

1. I think its really sad when people rub their face in traffic. Sometimes when I watch people do it I can feel their stress. 

2. WTF is the deal with dateline, 48 hours etc. I realize they want there to be drama, but give me a break. These shows could be wrapped up in like 5 minutes, its grueling to watch. Especially when they take 5 minutes of show time to show you trees in the dark with dunt, dunt, dunt music. UGH!

Side Note: I read over 60 blogs, not even joking. I am always there reading. My mom made a comment that i haven't been commenting enough. So today I vow to make up for it. Sorry yall!

35 before 35..............#9 done

I admit I am off to a slow start on my 35 things to do before I turn 35. #9 was to give a homeless person a meal. I am not even sure why this one was on there, since I do this often.

Two Sunday's ago my cousin and I went to Starbucks and I completed my #9. I have always been the girl to give money and food to the homeless. My mom since I was little has always said give food not money. I bought the gentleman a sandwich, orange juice and a cookie. It makes me happy to know that he had a meal that day and when he said "God Bless You" I knew he meant it.

My dream is too win the lottery, or marry rich...lol. When I do, I will have my own homeless shelter. It wont just be about the shelter, it will be about helping those I can from the inside.

Side Note: 1 down 34 to go.

Tin Truths Twenty

1. Boiled eggs peel easier when you boil them in salt water.

2. On Tuesday, I beat two tables of boys in poker

3. I still need a new inspection sticker.

4. South Beach Diet is going to turn me into a chef

5. Obama's speech gave me goose bumps

6. My nose is raw from allergy's, raw!

7. I am so glad I found my two girlfriends from high school.

8. Still now wine, Still going through withdraw

9. I want to start bike riding, in search of pink bike.

10. My son turns 14 in 9 days, I am old!

Wed WA #3

You Know the drill. The first word that pops in your head.

Chevy :: Ford

Ratchet :: Clank

Moth :: Bugs

Calendar :: Club

Blue :: Balls

Design :: Star

Ink :: Tattoo

Watercolor :: Mom

Trust :: No one

Limp :: In

Side Note: This always cracks me up because I have to come back hour or so later and fill in my own words. Have a wondermus day.

Just a Thought #2

Sometimes I take 3 or 4 baths a day.... and sometimes I refill the bathtub, the same number of times. I have always said that in poker I have no tell, that isn't the case in the real world. If you ever see me get in the bath before 2pm, its a tell,  I am stressed or i am just going to my place. Either way don't invade.... and no, my space wasn't invaded.

I wonder why I do that, why I assume u will think something different. 

Is it because I am jaded?

Yes or No?

I have decided that I hate the word jaded, its overrated and misunderstood. It's not something I want to be or become. Throughout my life, I have only let a few people close to me.  I am loyal to a fault and I expect it from others. I assume the closest people to me wont hurt me, but they do. Not because of there opinions, but for their lack of support. In the same thought I wonder if its that, or  just my unrealistic expectations. 

Do we really want from people, what we give? 

Or is what we give, an excuse not to be judged later?

I don't know the answer,  none of us do. So we take life with a grain of salt and we don't ask why. I am becoming wiser. Watching my mind grow up is amazing and scary, all at the same time. The scary part is that we get older, we grow apart, we come to different conclusions and we make new chapters. My new chapter is starting now. I hope its so great that I never want to stop reading it. Thats the amazing part.

Side Note: No, this isn't about a guy. Just in case u assumed it was, lol.

I suck balls...not really!

Instead of not really, I should have said not literally. But then, all are a lie and yes we suck balls... women that is. Well men too at times. I give up, welcome to my world.

My whole point is that I said I was going to post daily. That didn't happen, I suck and have already screwed that up. 

Today we all get to see history take place. Regardless on where you stand on Obama, there is something to be said about witnessing history. Generally a tragedy takes place and it becomes history, today we watch it happen(history not a tragedy, lmao).

In other news I have lost 8lbs and south beach is going great. I have also realized that I am really good at darts. More on both of these another day. 

Side Note: Tell me one or eight things about your weekend, I would love to know!

Tin Truths 9 Teen

1. I have used my toy a bunch, and I freaking love it.

2. I am the biggest that I have been in years and I will have the weight gone by May.

3. I just realized the other day that washington, dc wasn't in washington. Dont Ask!

4. I am going to Hawaii next January and i want to fit my ass into a thong

5. I havent completed one of  my 35's before 35, I suck

6. Today I have read over 60 blog posts

7. My stocking this year was super cool, my fav gift was my pink mag lite  from my mom. 

8. I have vowed to stop drinking while dieting, well everything but vodka.

9. Its really Tuesday 

10. This is my 190th truth, wowzer.

Side Note: Go ahead give me one truth you know you want too.     

The high 5 seen around the world.

Let me start by saying that I don't like karaoke. I will admit I have been drunk and held my own with "baby got back". However, I don't like watching people that sing bad yet think they sing good. 

This being said you will understand why I DON'T watch american idol. Tonight I watched an hour of this with  my son and I realized two things. 

1. I am still in love with Simon, I want to rip off his white t-shirt and do dirty things to him.

2. Ryan Seacrest is a freaking tool and I am not even joking.

So tonight the last singer is BLIND, he sings amazing and his story is truly inspirational. He makes it to "hollywood" as they say and is given his golden ticket. He walks out the doors of the audition room and his family hugs and screams and there is laughter all around. 

UNTIL-

He turns around and Ryan Seacrest raises his hand to high five him. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen and it was truly uncomfortable for me to watch. Then the tool says "by the way I am giving you a high five right now". My god what an idiot. The only good thing about the show tonight, was watching that moron make a total fool of himself. Its was like watching someone from afar wave at someone they thought they knew, and then witnessing the precious seconds after when they realize they don't.

Side Note: Everyone got mad when I didn't post where to get the "fuck walmart" shirt. So if you like the shirt above you can get it here.

It's a Love/Hate thing.

What I am loving right now. 

1. South Beach Diet- It doesn't feel like a diet, I do feel healthier.

2. Cucumbers w/hummus- Weird, but you wouldn't believe how good this is.

3. Adderall-1/2 a pill Sunday & I cleaned my whole house & made dinner. RX please!

4. Facebook- I found many friends from the past, 2  I hadn't talked to in 16years

What I am hating right now.

1. Wine with drawl- I haven't had wine in 5 days. Lord its a freaking record

2. V8- Every morning you have to have 1/2 a cup. UGHHHHHHHHHHH

3. Sneezing- Over the past 3 days I have been having sneezing attacks. Not fun.

4. Whiny ass people that make work and life hard. 

What are you loving/hating right now?

I love #8

This mascara is the best mascara ever. I cant comment enough on it. Its long lasting, it doesnt clump and it makes your lashes look amazing. I never realized until about a year ago what mascara can do for your eyes and the results are sparkling. Yes I just wanted to say sparkling but you get my drift. 

Lights, Camera, Lashes, by Tarte ($18)

Just a Crazy Here

I am truly lucky to even be alive right now. I am not sure how I made it through it but I did. Exactly one hour ago I drank a full glass of Metamucil and I didn't choke. Now you guys can laugh or think whatever you want but this was very touch and go. I have this little condition called sideefectia. I am sure most of you have already heard of this disease but for those that haven't I will explain. Whenever I read the side effects of a drug, pill, lozenge you name I get them. 

Okay maybe its not sideefectica its fucking hypochondria. 

Tonight I am cracking up as I sit here and write this, because I do realize how freaking crazy I really am.

A few years ago  after drinking an entire glass of metamucil, I read the choking warning. Now for most people that wouldn't be a big deal but for someone like me it was like sucking down insta choke. I could feel my throat closing and I swore I would never drink that shit again. And I didn't till tonight. 

The other day I went to the store and noticed that they had Pink Lemonade flavor and I got it. I figured it would be waterier. ( don't ask me why, i just told you i am a crazy) So tonight I get a huge glass, not even joking. I put a little less than a teaspoon in it and suck it down. When I get to the bottom of the glass I decide hell no, that shit was too thick. However, I was very proud of myself. I didn't read the warnings or anything. 10 minutes pass and I am thinking wow I am in the clear, no episodes. Until, I start sneezing. Not just one sneeze but like 7 sneezes in a row. I grabbed the damn bottle and started to look for allergy warnings and then out of nowhere I started laughing so hard I pretty much peed on myself. So I am here to tell the world that I am a crazy ass, yep no point at all to this post. Just a crazy ass here.

Side Note: No it wasn't freaking waterier, and yes it tasted okay.

Just a Thought

i love to take hot baths 

on cold days

i play with the bubbles 

and make water waves

i listen to nothing 

yet I hear it all

i look at myself

 fat and all

i love who I am 

and who I will be

i am going to find love

love for me

i made a vow

one i cant wait to fill

i will be single 

for at least 1 year from now!

SWF Looking for SMM- 34

----------------------------------------------------

Single white female looking for Single Mute Male.

About me, I am 5'1 1/2, hazel eyes, cute, smart talented, outgoing and funny.

You be- hot, above 6' feet not 6 inches, rich, nice dresser and most importantly a mute. Yes that's right a MUTE. I am tired of the same old bar scene and the blah, blah, blah of most men these days. If you are hot and Mute you are the guy for me. No conversation needed! Just sit there and look hot, pay for my meal and shut the fuck up. 

If this ad interests you please respond with a pic. Thanks, Jag!

-----------------------------------------------------

I am telling you right now. If i ever posted an ad on craigslist that would be my ad, no freaking joke. I really hate the personals side of craigslist, I think it, in itself is an everyday home wrecker. I do however love to read the best of craigslist when I get bored. So for today's tin truths I give you. 

Tin Truths about the men on craigslist.

1. 98% of them cant see their penis

2. Most of them eat people

3. All of them will say they are single, most are married

4. They are not the person in the picture, that person is their uncle, minister someone.

5. This is for the men- "women don't want to see your ugly ass penis" oh crooked one

6. If the their ad has the word normal in it, they rode the short bus

7. If they say they are 30 they are really 45

8. If they say they are 40 they are really 55

9. If they want to offer you a massage they are closet gay and they want to be..........well u know

10. Bottom line if they are on craigslist looking for sex, something is wrong with them.

Side Note: If you or someone you know would like me to write a craigslist ad, I will offer my services for $25 an hour. I am a writer!

Side Note 2: Yes, it's pink duct tape.

Wed WA #2

You know the drill... first word that pops in  your head. I wonder what popped into your head when I said drill and head in the same sentence. Nevermind,  just play already.

Head :: Games

Green :: Lantern

Water :: Babies

Sing :: Song

Death :: Match

Long :: Turn

Ship :: Shot

Count :: Dracula

Window :: Warrior

Friendly :: Fame

Side Note: I really love this game

I hate Walmart..... HATE

I will never understand the people in our lives who get irritated when we are grumpy, when were sick. Go ahead and try to understand that much less say it 3 times fast. So this post isn't going to be all rainbows and unicorns.

I hate Wal-Mart, and I no longer care if people think that makes me a snob. That store sucks ass. I am not sure if its the store I hate or the majority of the people. I went there today because I had to return the playstation 2 that I had got my son for Christmas. Long story short ...I got him the playstation 3 instead, which I love by the way. 

so I go there today to return my item and I decide I am going to walk through the garden section. This way I don't have to walk through hoards of heathen children and freaks who look like they are on acid. Speaking of acid looking freaks, if you are one of these acid freaks don't get all sensitive on me this isn't about you. As I am entering the garden section, troll man stops me and says I cant go through his door with my returns. He says all returns must go through the main doors. At this point my heads starts spinning and green vomit starts protruding out, okay not really. But I did tell this man that I would like to see him stop me. 

I make it to the customer service aka " freak center" and that is when I realized that people are weird. Maybe its that I am hyped up on Nyquil or maybe it was that everyone around me was creeping me the fuck out. I hate that feeling, you know the one where you feel like you are in the middle of an acid party that no one told you about. When you look around you and you wonder are people really this fucked up. 

Anyhow no point to this story, I am still sick, still high on nyquil and still hate walmart.

Side Note: Please tell me that I am not the only one that has seen the freaks come out at walmart.

Suck it FLU!

I am going to try very hard to post every day this year. So while my brain is in "Nyquil Land", I will give it to you old school.

I have decided this year to do a bit of a format. So Mondays will now be for me to ask you what I want to know. 

1. If time machines were real, would you go forward or backward?

I would go forward, I so want to see the future. I want to see the 2200's

2. Do you think Marijuana should be legal?

yes

3. What is one thing you will do differently this year?

stay single.

Side Note: I would sooooooo buy a Nyquil slurpee!

Just A Review...........

I never thought I would be doing a review on a vibrator. I don’t own boxes of sex toys and I’m not a crazy sex addict. I was asked, “What made me think I was qualified to do a review”. I realized I am the perfect person to do these reviews. I’m just a girl, I am honest and I will represent all the 34-year-old women well.

My “Waterproof Jack Rabbit” aka “WJR” was on its way and I didn’t know what to expect. I was told it would ship in 48 hours, and it did. The package is beyond discreet, and the return address is a xyz corporation, stealth mode folks.

I opened the box and there she was in all her glory. I call her she vs. he, because we are a team. The WJR was pink of course, and at first glance was extremely intimidating. My first thought was this thing is huge. I don’t mean like “oh I am so small, huge” I mean like “lord that thing is the size of my arm, huge”. Once I got over the shock I took her out and I felt like I was in a cartoon. Instead of money signs flashing in my eyes it was big “o’s”, lmao.

To read the rest of my review click here.

I have used this a few more times and I love it, sorry mom. I only posted part of my review out of respect to others. If you want to read the full review then please click on the link above. I was cracking myself up the other night. I told my mom that I should be the poster child for Vibrators. I am getting use out of mine and I can't wait to review the next one. I am 34 and this is and was the first time I climaxed from a Vibrator, shocking I know. I cant scream from the rooftops, get a vibrator bitches. But I can let the world know my experiences. 

Side Note: " No animals were harmed or injured during the testing of this product".

HNY

Happy New Year. I decided I was going to start my new year on the 2nd instead of the 1st. 

Typically I don't make new years resolutions. Yes, I might say I want to lose weight or make some other ridiculous resolution but generally by Mid February those thoughts are gone. This year I have decided that 2009 will be the year for me. I will make a conscious decision to do things for me and to make this year about me. Over the past few years I have spent so much of my time worried about other people and worried about other things. I have lost sight of me of what I want of things I need or want to do. Its sad really and it all stops here. I am going to be 35 this year and I am  not wasting anymore time. 

I am excited to see what this new journey bring. I hope its a great year for all.

Side Note: Yes, I have the calendar.

My Swapfest Package

My Swapfest partner was News Readin' Wife over at Breaking News. A few days before Christmas I opened my front door and there sat a box. At first I just looked at it wondering wtf is this and why am I getting a box. When I picked up the box I saw it was addressed to Just a Girl and I got super excited. I felt like a little kid ripping open the tape on top of the box. My first glimmer of the contents inside was pink and silver and zebra, oh my! 

I couldn't believe how much thought she had put into my swap! I opened the card first and its was the little touches she put on everything that made me smile. In my card she mentioned my son, I was touched to say the least. 

Inside the box was a pink martini shaker, with pomegranate martini mix. It was super cute, next I opened a box that was wrapped with the cutest zebra wrapping paper and a pink bow. Inside was a set of 3 lip glosses by, Benefit. Next was a silver basket and inside the basket was a beautiful pink candle, a hello kitty notebook and hello kitty pens. The picture doesn't do the candle justice its absolutely perfect.

Thank you so much "News Readin' Wife" I loved all of it. I hope you love yours as well. 

shes back.........

Yes, like most of you I have been submerged in Holiday CHAOS! As much as I love the holidays I am  happy that they are coming to an end. I can't believe that 2008 has come and gone so quickly. I have so much more to say but this is just a little blurb to let you all know that I am alive. I will be doing my toy review, my swap update, my swap post and much, much more, hopefully by this evening. 

Tin Truths 8 Teen

1. I will be posting my first sex toy review in the next few days.

2. I just got my Christmas tree last night.

3. Flaming Hot Cheetos freaking rock

4. I heard the phrase popping turds for the first time this week and I love it.

5. Today I mailed my swap package, 3 days late. I suck!

6. I want to kiss hot wet lips under some damn misseltoe

7. I saw the new Narnia Movie and I hated it

8. I can't wait to hang up my pink stocking tonight.

9. I saw snow for about 8 minutes with my son and it was pretty cool

10. I am freaking addicted to the enigmo game on the itouch.

Side Note: No that isn't my stocking, but I wish it was!

Wed WA #1

The ole' word association. Yes, I stole it. Yes, it will be here to stay. 

Travel :: Dallas

Expensive :: Sephora

Backspace :: Spellcheck

Traffic noise :: Killing Me

Now see here :: I have a penis. (I don't know why, its word association)

Vegetables :: Cucumbers (No its not because of my previous answer)

Chat :: Freaks

Your calling :: Everything

Weekly : Garbage

Oh! :: Shit

Side Note: Don't be scared just freaking play already!

Side Note 2: Is it just me or does that reindeer look stoned?

Fievel and Fraggle

My son has been begging me for a robo hamster. Last night I decided that I would go look at them, and then get one for him closer to Christmas. They are tiny little things and when I first saw them I didn't like what I saw. There was way too much scurrying going on for my liking. They seemed a little to out of an Indian Jones scene for me. If you have seen Indiana Jones you know what I mean. I gave them a glance and decided fine I would get one closer to Christmas.

But then........................

I walked passed this cage and the there was Fievel. He wasn't scurrying and he seemed to be giving me a show. He was crunching on corn and running in his little wheel. In short, it was love at first sight. I got him out and went on  a search for his friend. I found Fraggle and though he would be a good friend for Fievel, and so I got them both. I got a house, and toys, and food, and treats, and they are so freaking cute.

This morning I woke up and had to take Fraggle back and get a new Fraggle. Old Fraggle wasn't very nice! So today Fievel and Fraggle are doing great. I am going to figure out how to do a live feed and add it to my blog. They don't replace "Blackie' by any means but they are making it easier.

That is my only weekend updates. Now I just really hope that these fuckers don't have babies. Because that would be really gross!!

RIP

Blackie

7/15/03 to 12/12/08

May you rest in peace. 

Thanks for all the support and comments. It truly has helped.

Hug Your Cat Today...

You always hear the stories about checking under the hood for animals when the weather gets cold. Unfortunately I learned this the hard way. I wont get into details, but my cat was in a horrible accident yesterday. Luckily he is going to live its nothing short of a miracle. He will lose most of his tail and his leg is injured pretty bad, but he is going to be okay. 

Point: Hug your pet today and learn from other peoples mistakes.

Side Note: Yes he looks that big in person. I think that's what saved his life.

Threesome In The House.

Okay so maybe not a threesome, but I definitely got tag teamed. Yes, I am laughing my ass off right now. Why? Because I am easily amused.

The rules are simple, tell 7 things about yourself.  I don't do simple, so I will comment on the 7 things that my 3 taggers said in their tag post. 

The first girl to tag me was Melissa over at "Somewhere in the City". 

1) I love tomatoes, I eat them like a piece of fruit. However, I only like ketchup on french fries. 

2) I can pronounce tortilla, hello I live in the south. But I cannot make a "tor-til-la"

3) Wow! Do you have cable?

4) Ditto, I love to shop. I wish I could do it for a living.

5) My favorite movie right now is Miss Potter.

6) Every time I hear Rick Schroeder, it makes me think of an after school special.

7) I usually don't drink on Wednesdays.

The second girl to tag me was Jaime over at "Red Red Whine".

1. Never written a book. But, when I was little I would type up short stories on my typewriter.

2. Wow that is really amazing. Oh and I always wanted to be a lawyer.

3. Bees don't scare me, and everything but a banana makes me break into hives. Not joking.

4. I don't know about favorite but a hammock on the beach anywhere, and I am sold.

5. I don't like pantie lines either, just go without.

6. I also failed parallel parking, and I also don't try it. EVER.

7. I need a personal trainer to punish me.

The third to tag was a boy (gasp) I mean a man, Jormengrund over at "Yet Another Day in Paradise...

(1) I am 5'1 and a half, and one of my best friends calls me a runt.

(2) I don't like kung fu movies or shows at all, and the cutting wood analogy is just weird.

(3) You had me at fantasy, and you lost me at Sci-Fi

(4) I love it all too...Opera, muzak, classical, rock, pop, reggae, soul, r&b, hip-hop, jazz, blues.

(5) I cant sing! Its an amazing talent to have, and it got you to Vegas. Word!

(6) Start saving now! 

(7) I have never wanted to be in a band. But I love Rock Band!

Side Note: I freaking love Slurpee's!

Side Note 2: Technically this is how "tin truths" should work.

I love #7

Yep its a face scrub, but not just any face scrub. This stuff is amazing and I have been using it for a couple of years. I am pretty sure I have just about turned my whole family on to it. The texture is amazing it feels like a soft scrub not sandpaper and its smells so good. What I love about this stuff is the way my face feels after I wash it. Its soooooooo soft and its great to see an immediate difference in any product.

Never A Dull Moment, by Origins ($25)

Side Note: Men if you are wondering what to get your wife for x-mas go back and read the I love series.

Just a Text

We all have one of those friends, who cracks us up. Here is our text from Wednesday. I am M and she is W, creative I know. Can you say stealth mode (insert me cracking up here).

W: Do you think people are looking at me because they know I have a roll?

M: Lol no

W: Maybe they want a bite of my muffins top!

M: That sounds dirty

W: Maybe because im a dirty little (fat) slut. Ewww bite my muffin!

M: Please stop u r making my fat hurt

W: Hey! Im bringing muffins back. Yeah! 

M: Why does it always have to be about u blueberry girl

W: What can I say, fat people are jolly.

M: ho ho ho

W: Oh you want to whip out the fat names you big bowl of jelly! Come on laugh lets see you jiggle!

M: I thought you were going to say don't make me whip out my banana. So I will see your jelly and raise you one Pillsbury.

W: I feel like that dinosaur with short arms when im trying to reach around my fat

M: Is it because of the fat arms or because you secretly want to eat people

W: Listen maybe you can help me pick out some sumo panties that don't make me look so fat.

M: I am so getting sumopanties.com

W: Some people just sat near me, I think they can sense my fat under my tarp.

M: Is this circus code?

W: I mean maybe we should just "roll" with it.

M: Lmfao

Side Note: NO, we aren't making fun of fat people. We both need to lose weight.

Side Note 2: Further more if this offended you, get over it. Its not about you!

Side Note 3: Side note much?

Tin Truths 17

1. I finished my dream office and its looks amazing

2. I am the only person I know who can gain weight dieting, WTF.

3. I am going to start doing reviews for a sex toy site, go figure.

4. My favorite dish on Thanksgiving is my mom's stuffing

5. In 24 hours my Christmas lights will be up.

6. I once had a turtle named Toby

7. That bastard wouldn't play with me so I gave him away.

8. I once had a duck named UD, Ugly Duckling

9. He got too big and  my grandma made me give him away.

10. I freaking love pumpkin pie.

Side Note: Yes, the picture is of my finished dream office. The pic doesn't do it justice. 

35 before 35

So I saw this over at My thirty before 30 journey and decided I was going to steal it. These are 35 things I want do before I am 35. My birthday is in May so I have about 5 months to complete as many of these as possible. I will call it my road to half way to 70, and I will blog about it as I go.

1. Get Eyeglasses, so very sad.

2. Meet one reader from my blog.

3. Have sex, just normal everyday sex.

4. Go to Sunday Brunch at the four seasons.

5. Get a facial.

6. Drive somewhere far. (this is huge trust me!)

7. Spend a day with just my mom.

8. Volunteer at the library.

9. Give a homeless person a meal.

10. Learn a new recipe.

11. Cut 3 inches of my hair.

12. Loose 20 pounds.

13. Go to a museum.

14. Visit a bar in Austin I have never been too.

15. Take my son to feed ducks, (tween alert, this could be hard)

16. Visit a winery.

17. Get a Pedicure (simple things)

18. Buy a new matching, panty and bra set.

19. Donate at least 10 items to charity.

20. Read or watch "Pride and Prejudice".

21. Go on a picnic.

22. Kidnap J for the day and hit all the dive bars in Taylor, again!

23. Go to Vegas.

24. Kiss a Stranger, just kiss.

25. For one week, give my son a dollar for every cuss word I say.

26. Read a book.

27. At least attempt the Lemonade Diet.

28. Walk a mile a day for 14 days straight.

29. Write a letter and mail it.

30. Try a Gin and Tonic.

31. Go to a concert.

32. Look at a loft downtown, on the inside.

33. Paint a picture.

34. Take B to dinner.

35. Go to church.

For the past 3 years I have only done a couple of these, like the facial and reading the book. I am now single and have a new job, a fresh start if you will. These are things I should do for ME without thought, yet I didn't and I don't. 

Now I will, and I can't wait to blog about each and every one of them. Go ahead steal it, what a great way to motivate yourself to do for yourself. Deep is as Deep does. Oh shit, I crack myself up. I might have to write a book, and then I could call it "just a book". I will stop now, thanks for playing.

Side Note: Yes the fish and the duck are related. For those of you who don't know what that means, enter at your own risk.  You can get one here. 

I want to know...........

Why do you blog? 

oh

and come on in lurkers, and leave a comment!

Suck it BCS.

I find it absolutely amazing that we are #3, give me a freaking break. Texas deserves to be #2 and the BCS rankings can kiss my ass.

In other news I really love all things Christmas. I love the weather, I love the smell of Christmas trees and I love writing Christmas lists.

RPM,  "aka" The South 40, sent me like 16 bags of Mothers circus animal cookies. I have been in a sugar coma ever since Saturday. Mike you rock. mini side note: Ken also has cookies for me I just havent sent him my address yet. mini side note 2: no I am not sharing my damn cookies with you bastards.

Got Swap! I have been building my pile and checking it twice, I cant wait to see all the posts on your swaps!

Side Note: Every time I say "swap" it makes me think of swapping spit! WTF is wrong with me.

Just a Moment

I wouldn't call myself a deep person. However, there are times in my life when I feel like I get these signs. At times I sit out at night and I see the stars and when i look i up see the big dipper and I think to myself i am exactly where i am supposed to be in my life. I realize to most people that this probably sounds really weird. I guess most would compare it too deja vu. Others would call it an epiphany. I like to call it an awakening. I realized today that I am the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. I watched a show this afternoon called "August Rush". What an amazing movie, I love movies with great endings and they seem to touch me, inspire me. I wont tell you about the ending, you will have to watch it to find that out. I will tell you that something as simple as "sometimes you have to listen to hear the music" struck a cord, no pun intended. When the movie was over I walked out to my back porch. I have been out there a thousand times, this time was different. It was cold and windy the air felt cool and open, and I did listen. Yes I only heard trees swaying and wind blowing and I heard the cars on the highway a mile away, i heard the tires go over every bump in the road. But everything was louder, more intense and the sound was beautiful. In that moment a smile was across my face, I haven't felt that smile in a few years. At that moment I had an awakening. I am happy, I am happy with me and I am happy in my life.

I will now sit and patiently wait for the next awakening but this time the wait wont seem as hard.

Side Note: Back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow.

10 Things I Am Thankful For

On Thanksgiving we go around the table and I only get to say 1 thing I am thankful for, so here are ten.

1. I am thankful to have such an amazing son. He is the highlight of my life, I adore his humor and I am lucky to get to watch him grow into such a beautiful young man.

2. I am thankful for my mom. My mom is my best friend and without her I would be lost. She is my rock and one hell of a grandma. Mom, I love you, more than words will ever be able to express. Thank for having me, lol!

3. I am thankful for my family and friends. Over the years you realize this is really the most important part.

4. I am thankful for Bob. He is my Dad, my mentor, my friend and my confidant. I adopted him or I should say he adopted me a few years back. I never had a "Dad" in  my life. He makes up for all that and more. I am very thankful that he came into my life. He is my guardian angel.

5. I am thankful for my new job. I no longer own my own business, and man am I happy about it. I love job and I love the people I work with. I cant wait to see what the next year brings me.

6. I am thankful for my new office. I work from home and I put together a dream office this week. Now I feel like I am in a happy place for my workday instead of a cave.

7. I am thankful that I am alive, if I was dead that would really suck.

8. I am thankful that I am single. Life is seriously too short for all that drama that occurred. 

9. I am thankful for my blog. My blog was here for me when I needed an outlet for my sadness. Now its here for all thoughts JAG. I love my blog and I am thankful for all the people I have met to date.

10. I am thankful for November. And no, I didnt run out of things to be thankful for. I really am thankful for November. Its my favorite month of the whole year. I love November, I love Thanksgiving, and I love the weather. So thank you, November.

Side Note: Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh I get it "fast"

Yes by now you know I am a dork. That being said I also must throw in that I am a VERY cool mom, sometimes. So I am sitting on the couch with my son, talking about his day. He starts telling me about how "gay" the jocks are. How they sit around and talk about their pec's which cracked me up, because my son also talks about his "muscular chest". The point being he would rather have lunch with a beautiful girl then chest beaters. I asked him, do you ever tell them they are gay. He says no and goes on to complain about another boy and how he is fast. Me thinking "fast" is the new tween word, I start asking a ton of questions to figure out what the word means. 

This is where my son says, "what is wrong with you". I said, "what I get it "fast, I just want to know what it means. 

He responds, "wow mom, you know he runs fast. or he is the fastest runner in the school. Needless to say I felt like a dumb ass. 

Lesson of the day: 1, this is a boring ass post. 2, sometimes a word is just that.... a word.

I rub my fishie......................

Orion, was the first one to guess it. Yes, its a vibrator. Or should I say "massager", either way it cracks me up. A fish vibrator, I have now truly seen it all. You might be asking what part even vibrates, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............the tail and the eyes. So yeah, you can get your bean all excited with a fish eye if you want and it will only set you back $22.99.

Here is the description and a link to purchase it.

I rub my fishie, $22.99

Funky waterproof vibrating fish massager. Simply squeeze its side to turn it on or off. Its strong motor generates quiet vibrations in the bulgy eyes and tail. Simply relax as powerful waves of vibration sooth away the stresses and tensions of life. 

Should be Simple Enough

What is this? 

Side Note: Guesses are Free- and you win nothing!