3.30.2011

now what.........



It' so weird to think that its been over a year since I have written a post. I love how in my darkest and brightest times, I always return here. My place, my place to do and say whatever the hell I want. Oh how I have missed you.

I didn't cry today. I didn't wake up angry. I woke up done!

A week ago, I said over and over, if I am not a mom then who I am. Who is that person and what in the hell am I going to do now. YES, my son came home on a Sunday and said 6 words that forever changed my life. I WANT TO LIVE WITH MY DAD! I cried and cried and cried some more. How? Why? We sat on the couch and together we cried. He told me loved me, and that I have given him everything. That he had given me 16 years and he just wanted to give his dad 2. He left 3 days later..........

Today to the day its been a week. The worst week of my life.

But something happened this morning. A change, a change in me. I remembered #19 - "It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else."

and in that moment....... I said I got this. I dyed my hair, I have lost 5 pounds simply from not eating, I am giving my cats to a good home, I am moving to a smaller apartment, I FINALLY burned my sisters letters. My family is freaking, they say wait a month before you make any big decisions you might regret. NO!!!!!!

I AM an amazing mother. I have raised a beautiful child and that in itself is priceless. I will not spend one more day crying and unable to leave my couch. I will chop off all my hair in a week. I will move in less then 45 days. I will give my cat's away. I will find a new job. I will have meaningless sex with whoever I choose. I will not buy any groceries. I will change my friends. I will change my life.

I have spent 16 years giving everything in me to one purpose, raising my kid. And I did a damn good job. But now, its my second childhood and I can promise you its going to be the best one EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

20 comments:

RPM said...

You might want to hold up on chopping all your hair off, but the meaningless sex part I can help you with!

Good to see you're still alive and kickin'.

::kacy:: said...

You're back :) and it seems like life is crazy! Good to see you blog. Plz don't wait too long again!

Ken said...

HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!
HOW DARE YOU START BLOGGING AND NOT LET ME KNOW!

NOW THEN. YOU GO GIRL! YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER AND YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT EVEN WORKING AT IT!

I AM GLAD YOUR BACK THE BLOGGING WORLD JUST WASN'T THE SAME WITHOUT YOU!!!!

REMEMBER I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN EVER

Elise said...

Welcome back!

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Thumbs up.

Really great job! You can be really proud of yourself!

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dolphin said...

I know your post was a while ago now, but I couldn't help but want to reply. You need to congratulate yourseff on bringing up a son who felt confident enough in your love to be able to say that thing to you.

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