My Swapfest Package

My Swapfest partner was News Readin' Wife over at Breaking News. A few days before Christmas I opened my front door and there sat a box. At first I just looked at it wondering wtf is this and why am I getting a box. When I picked up the box I saw it was addressed to Just a Girl and I got super excited. I felt like a little kid ripping open the tape on top of the box. My first glimmer of the contents inside was pink and silver and zebra, oh my! 

I couldn't believe how much thought she had put into my swap! I opened the card first and its was the little touches she put on everything that made me smile. In my card she mentioned my son, I was touched to say the least. 

Inside the box was a pink martini shaker, with pomegranate martini mix. It was super cute, next I opened a box that was wrapped with the cutest zebra wrapping paper and a pink bow. Inside was a set of 3 lip glosses by, Benefit. Next was a silver basket and inside the basket was a beautiful pink candle, a hello kitty notebook and hello kitty pens. The picture doesn't do the candle justice its absolutely perfect.

Thank you so much "News Readin' Wife" I loved all of it. I hope you love yours as well. 


shes back.........

Yes, like most of you I have been submerged in Holiday CHAOS! As much as I love the holidays I am  happy that they are coming to an end. I can't believe that 2008 has come and gone so quickly. I have so much more to say but this is just a little blurb to let you all know that I am alive. I will be doing my toy review, my swap update, my swap post and much, much more, hopefully by this evening. 


Tin Truths 8 Teen

1. I will be posting my first sex toy review in the next few days.
2. I just got my Christmas tree last night.
3. Flaming Hot Cheetos freaking rock
4. I heard the phrase popping turds for the first time this week and I love it.
5. Today I mailed my swap package, 3 days late. I suck!
6. I want to kiss hot wet lips under some damn misseltoe
7. I saw the new Narnia Movie and I hated it
8. I can't wait to hang up my pink stocking tonight.
9. I saw snow for about 8 minutes with my son and it was pretty cool
10. I am freaking addicted to the enigmo game on the itouch.

Side Note: No that isn't my stocking, but I wish it was!


Wed WA #1

The ole' word association. Yes, I stole it. Yes, it will be here to stay. 

Travel :: Dallas
Expensive :: Sephora
Backspace :: Spellcheck
Traffic noise :: Killing Me
Now see here :: I have a penis. (I don't know why, its word association)
Vegetables :: Cucumbers (No its not because of my previous answer)
Chat :: Freaks
Your calling :: Everything
Weekly : Garbage
Oh! :: Shit

Side Note: Don't be scared just freaking play already!

Side Note 2: Is it just me or does that reindeer look stoned?


Fievel and Fraggle

My son has been begging me for a robo hamster. Last night I decided that I would go look at them, and then get one for him closer to Christmas. They are tiny little things and when I first saw them I didn't like what I saw. There was way too much scurrying going on for my liking. They seemed a little to out of an Indian Jones scene for me. If you have seen Indiana Jones you know what I mean. I gave them a glance and decided fine I would get one closer to Christmas.

But then........................

I walked passed this cage and the there was Fievel. He wasn't scurrying and he seemed to be giving me a show. He was crunching on corn and running in his little wheel. In short, it was love at first sight. I got him out and went on  a search for his friend. I found Fraggle and though he would be a good friend for Fievel, and so I got them both. I got a house, and toys, and food, and treats, and they are so freaking cute.

This morning I woke up and had to take Fraggle back and get a new Fraggle. Old Fraggle wasn't very nice! So today Fievel and Fraggle are doing great. I am going to figure out how to do a live feed and add it to my blog. They don't replace "Blackie' by any means but they are making it easier.

That is my only weekend updates. Now I just really hope that these fuckers don't have babies. Because that would be really gross!!



7/15/03 to 12/12/08

May you rest in peace. 

Thanks for all the support and comments. It truly has helped.


Hug Your Cat Today...

You always hear the stories about checking under the hood for animals when the weather gets cold. Unfortunately I learned this the hard way. I wont get into details, but my cat was in a horrible accident yesterday. Luckily he is going to live its nothing short of a miracle. He will lose most of his tail and his leg is injured pretty bad, but he is going to be okay. 

Point: Hug your pet today and learn from other peoples mistakes.

Side Note: Yes he looks that big in person. I think that's what saved his life.


Threesome In The House.

Okay so maybe not a threesome, but I definitely got tag teamed. Yes, I am laughing my ass off right now. Why? Because I am easily amused.

The rules are simple, tell 7 things about yourself.  I don't do simple, so I will comment on the 7 things that my 3 taggers said in their tag post. 

The first girl to tag me was Melissa over at "Somewhere in the City". 

1) I love tomatoes, I eat them like a piece of fruit. However, I only like ketchup on french fries. 
2) I can pronounce tortilla, hello I live in the south. But I cannot make a "tor-til-la"
3) Wow! Do you have cable?
4) Ditto, I love to shop. I wish I could do it for a living.
5) My favorite movie right now is Miss Potter.
6) Every time I hear Rick Schroeder, it makes me think of an after school special.
7) I usually don't drink on Wednesdays.

The second girl to tag me was Jaime over at "Red Red Whine".

1. Never written a book. But, when I was little I would type up short stories on my typewriter.
2. Wow that is really amazing. Oh and I always wanted to be a lawyer.
3. Bees don't scare me, and everything but a banana makes me break into hives. Not joking.
4. I don't know about favorite but a hammock on the beach anywhere, and I am sold.
5. I don't like pantie lines either, just go without.
6. I also failed parallel parking, and I also don't try it. EVER.
7. I need a personal trainer to punish me.

The third to tag was a boy (gasp) I mean a man, Jormengrund over at "Yet Another Day in Paradise...

(1) I am 5'1 and a half, and one of my best friends calls me a runt.
(2) I don't like kung fu movies or shows at all, and the cutting wood analogy is just weird.
(3) You had me at fantasy, and you lost me at Sci-Fi
(4) I love it all too...Opera, muzak, classical, rock, pop, reggae, soul, r&b, hip-hop, jazz, blues.
(5) I cant sing! Its an amazing talent to have, and it got you to Vegas. Word!
(6) Start saving now! 
(7) I have never wanted to be in a band. But I love Rock Band!

Side Note: I freaking love Slurpee's!

Side Note 2: Technically this is how "tin truths" should work.


I love #7

Yep its a face scrub, but not just any face scrub. This stuff is amazing and I have been using it for a couple of years. I am pretty sure I have just about turned my whole family on to it. The texture is amazing it feels like a soft scrub not sandpaper and its smells so good. What I love about this stuff is the way my face feels after I wash it. Its soooooooo soft and its great to see an immediate difference in any product.

Never A Dull Moment, by Origins ($25)

Side Note: Men if you are wondering what to get your wife for x-mas go back and read the I love series.


Just a Text

We all have one of those friends, who cracks us up. Here is our text from Wednesday. I am M and she is W, creative I know. Can you say stealth mode (insert me cracking up here).

W: Do you think people are looking at me because they know I have a roll?
M: Lol no

W: Maybe they want a bite of my muffins top!
M: That sounds dirty

W: Maybe because im a dirty little (fat) slut. Ewww bite my muffin!
M: Please stop u r making my fat hurt

W: Hey! Im bringing muffins back. Yeah! 
M: Why does it always have to be about u blueberry girl

W: What can I say, fat people are jolly.
M: ho ho ho

W: Oh you want to whip out the fat names you big bowl of jelly! Come on laugh lets see you jiggle!
M: I thought you were going to say don't make me whip out my banana. So I will see your jelly and raise you one Pillsbury.

W: I feel like that dinosaur with short arms when im trying to reach around my fat
M: Is it because of the fat arms or because you secretly want to eat people

W: Listen maybe you can help me pick out some sumo panties that don't make me look so fat.
M: I am so getting sumopanties.com

W: Some people just sat near me, I think they can sense my fat under my tarp.
M: Is this circus code?

W: I mean maybe we should just "roll" with it.
M: Lmfao

Side Note: NO, we aren't making fun of fat people. We both need to lose weight.

Side Note 2: Further more if this offended you, get over it. Its not about you!

Side Note 3: Side note much?


Tin Truths 17

1. I finished my dream office and its looks amazing
2. I am the only person I know who can gain weight dieting, WTF.
3. I am going to start doing reviews for a sex toy site, go figure.
4. My favorite dish on Thanksgiving is my mom's stuffing
5. In 24 hours my Christmas lights will be up.
6. I once had a turtle named Toby
7. That bastard wouldn't play with me so I gave him away.
8. I once had a duck named UD, Ugly Duckling
9. He got too big and  my grandma made me give him away.
10. I freaking love pumpkin pie.

Side Note: Yes, the picture is of my finished dream office. The pic doesn't do it justice. 


35 before 35

So I saw this over at My thirty before 30 journey and decided I was going to steal it. These are 35 things I want do before I am 35. My birthday is in May so I have about 5 months to complete as many of these as possible. I will call it my road to half way to 70, and I will blog about it as I go.

1. Get Eyeglasses, so very sad.
2. Meet one reader from my blog.
3. Have sex, just normal everyday sex.
4. Go to Sunday Brunch at the four seasons.
5. Get a facial.
6. Drive somewhere far. (this is huge trust me!)
7. Spend a day with just my mom.
8. Volunteer at the library.
9. Give a homeless person a meal.
10. Learn a new recipe.
11. Cut 3 inches of my hair.
12. Loose 20 pounds.
13. Go to a museum.
14. Visit a bar in Austin I have never been too.
15. Take my son to feed ducks, (tween alert, this could be hard)
16. Visit a winery.
17. Get a Pedicure (simple things)
18. Buy a new matching, panty and bra set.
19. Donate at least 10 items to charity.
20. Read or watch "Pride and Prejudice".
21. Go on a picnic.
22. Kidnap J for the day and hit all the dive bars in Taylor, again!
23. Go to Vegas.
24. Kiss a Stranger, just kiss.
25. For one week, give my son a dollar for every cuss word I say.
26. Read a book.
27. At least attempt the Lemonade Diet.
28. Walk a mile a day for 14 days straight.
29. Write a letter and mail it.
30. Try a Gin and Tonic.
31. Go to a concert.
32. Look at a loft downtown, on the inside.
33. Paint a picture.
34. Take B to dinner.
35. Go to church.

For the past 3 years I have only done a couple of these, like the facial and reading the book. I am now single and have a new job, a fresh start if you will. These are things I should do for ME without thought, yet I didn't and I don't. 

Now I will, and I can't wait to blog about each and every one of them. Go ahead steal it, what a great way to motivate yourself to do for yourself. Deep is as Deep does. Oh shit, I crack myself up. I might have to write a book, and then I could call it "just a book". I will stop now, thanks for playing.

Side Note: Yes the fish and the duck are related. For those of you who don't know what that means, enter at your own risk.  You can get one here


I want to know...........

Why do you blog? 

and come on in lurkers, and leave a comment!


Suck it BCS.

I find it absolutely amazing that we are #3, give me a freaking break. Texas deserves to be #2 and the BCS rankings can kiss my ass.

In other news I really love all things Christmas. I love the weather, I love the smell of Christmas trees and I love writing Christmas lists.

RPM,  "aka" The South 40, sent me like 16 bags of Mothers circus animal cookies. I have been in a sugar coma ever since Saturday. Mike you rock. mini side note: Ken also has cookies for me I just havent sent him my address yet. mini side note 2: no I am not sharing my damn cookies with you bastards.

Got Swap! I have been building my pile and checking it twice, I cant wait to see all the posts on your swaps!

Side Note: Every time I say "swap" it makes me think of swapping spit! WTF is wrong with me.


Just a Moment

I wouldn't call myself a deep person. However, there are times in my life when I feel like I get these signs. At times I sit out at night and I see the stars and when i look i up see the big dipper and I think to myself i am exactly where i am supposed to be in my life. I realize to most people that this probably sounds really weird. I guess most would compare it too deja vu. Others would call it an epiphany. I like to call it an awakening. I realized today that I am the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. I watched a show this afternoon called "August Rush". What an amazing movie, I love movies with great endings and they seem to touch me, inspire me. I wont tell you about the ending, you will have to watch it to find that out. I will tell you that something as simple as "sometimes you have to listen to hear the music" struck a cord, no pun intended. When the movie was over I walked out to my back porch. I have been out there a thousand times, this time was different. It was cold and windy the air felt cool and open, and I did listen. Yes I only heard trees swaying and wind blowing and I heard the cars on the highway a mile away, i heard the tires go over every bump in the road. But everything was louder, more intense and the sound was beautiful. In that moment a smile was across my face, I haven't felt that smile in a few years. At that moment I had an awakening. I am happy, I am happy with me and I am happy in my life.

I will now sit and patiently wait for the next awakening but this time the wait wont seem as hard.

Side Note: Back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow.


10 Things I Am Thankful For

On Thanksgiving we go around the table and I only get to say 1 thing I am thankful for, so here are ten.

1. I am thankful to have such an amazing son. He is the highlight of my life, I adore his humor and I am lucky to get to watch him grow into such a beautiful young man.

2. I am thankful for my mom. My mom is my best friend and without her I would be lost. She is my rock and one hell of a grandma. Mom, I love you, more than words will ever be able to express. Thank for having me, lol!

3. I am thankful for my family and friends. Over the years you realize this is really the most important part.

4. I am thankful for Bob. He is my Dad, my mentor, my friend and my confidant. I adopted him or I should say he adopted me a few years back. I never had a "Dad" in  my life. He makes up for all that and more. I am very thankful that he came into my life. He is my guardian angel.

5. I am thankful for my new job. I no longer own my own business, and man am I happy about it. I love job and I love the people I work with. I cant wait to see what the next year brings me.

6. I am thankful for my new office. I work from home and I put together a dream office this week. Now I feel like I am in a happy place for my workday instead of a cave.

7. I am thankful that I am alive, if I was dead that would really suck.

8. I am thankful that I am single. Life is seriously too short for all that drama that occurred. 

9. I am thankful for my blog. My blog was here for me when I needed an outlet for my sadness. Now its here for all thoughts JAG. I love my blog and I am thankful for all the people I have met to date.

10. I am thankful for November. And no, I didnt run out of things to be thankful for. I really am thankful for November. Its my favorite month of the whole year. I love November, I love Thanksgiving, and I love the weather. So thank you, November.

Side Note: Happy Thanksgiving!


Oh I get it "fast"

Yes by now you know I am a dork. That being said I also must throw in that I am a VERY cool mom, sometimes. So I am sitting on the couch with my son, talking about his day. He starts telling me about how "gay" the jocks are. How they sit around and talk about their pec's which cracked me up, because my son also talks about his "muscular chest". The point being he would rather have lunch with a beautiful girl then chest beaters. I asked him, do you ever tell them they are gay. He says no and goes on to complain about another boy and how he is fast. Me thinking "fast" is the new tween word, I start asking a ton of questions to figure out what the word means. 

This is where my son says, "what is wrong with you". I said, "what I get it "fast, I just want to know what it means. 

He responds, "wow mom, you know he runs fast. or he is the fastest runner in the school. Needless to say I felt like a dumb ass. 

Lesson of the day: 1, this is a boring ass post. 2, sometimes a word is just that.... a word.


I rub my fishie......................

Orion, was the first one to guess it. Yes, its a vibrator. Or should I say "massager", either way it cracks me up. A fish vibrator, I have now truly seen it all. You might be asking what part even vibrates, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...............the tail and the eyes. So yeah, you can get your bean all excited with a fish eye if you want and it will only set you back $22.99.

Here is the description and a link to purchase it.

Funky waterproof vibrating fish massager. Simply squeeze its side to turn it on or off. Its strong motor generates quiet vibrations in the bulgy eyes and tail. Simply relax as powerful waves of vibration sooth away the stresses and tensions of life. 


Should be Simple Enough

What is this? 

Side Note: Guesses are Free- and you win nothing!

I Love #6

Yes its a brush folks, but not just any brush. This freaking thing is AmaZing, and I love it. I personally use it for bronzer. However, it works great for blush and powder as well. I think I have turned on just about everyone I know to this thing. Oh and as I have said before when applying bronzer use a 3 motion on your face, it makes a huge difference. 

Bronzer Brush, by Prescriptives ($32)

Side Note: This brush also won Allure's 2008 Best of Beauty award. 

Side Note 2: I had the brush waaaaaaaaaaaaay before it was cool to have it.


Titty Tidbits

I sneezed this morning and literally blew snot bubbles. And NO I am not being dramatic, I am talking about huge bubbles of snot. Pretty Freaking Nasty.

I also told quite a few people yesterday that I was going to buy dog/baby doors for my office. Why might you ask? Because, I wanted to keep my cat out of there. This is where I admit I had a serious blonde moment...............my cat jumps 8 foot fences. 

Where in the hell has my brain gone?

Side Note: I have gone back to google image hell. Due to all the nasty ass brain pics, you got bubbles. And if you really want to get your gag on......go ahead and google snot bubbles under images I dare you, note the pic is no longer of bubbles. 


Tin Truths 6 Teen

1. For the first time in my life I lost my voice
2. On December 1st I am going to do the Lemonade Diet (will see)
3. I watched my first full "Dexter" episode and I liked it
4. Carpet will be installed next Wednesday
5. I got sized for a Bra, damn that makes a huge difference
6. I am in search of my next "eager beaver"
7. I started a new job and I freaking love it
8. Quantum of the Solace was just ok!
9. My favorite dressing is Raspberry Walnut Vinagrette 
10. The Swapfest swag is going to kick ass

Side Note: Thanks to Ken for the Pic.



Finally, we are ready to get our SWAP on. I don't know about y'all but I am ready to do this.

Originally the deadline to send your SWAP packages out, was December 1st. That has now changed to December 15th. Below I have listed your swap partners. By Midnight tonight everyone will get an email from me with details of your swap partner. The links below are highlighted with your partners blog so that you can do your due diligence and learn a little about your new swap friend. I really love  the word swap although it does sound so dirty.

Rules are simple. Send a package to your partner and get a package in return. I didn't put a dollar amount on this swap or an item minimum. Send what you like and have no expectations of what you will get in return. You can send a package of 10 items or one item, I don't really care. Be creative and have it reflect your style or your partners. As mentioned before everyone will receive a gift from me for participating., and yes its going to be awesome. 

If for some reason anyone doesn't want to participate or cant participate just let me know in email and I will take up the slack. This is meant to be fun and hopefully can be done twice a year moving forward. Lets all make this interesting and I cant wait to see what everyone gives out. Happy Swapping! 

Here are your partners

Justagirl   and   Breaking News

Mom   and   Gimme The Juice

Side Note: Mom is my Mom and I will send Gimme a full profile. Also by default I will be adding Leslie at Chaos Free Living to my swap (I owe her).

Side Note 2: Lets do this bitches!


Tween Word of the Day #2

Ankle Spanker

A man who owns a very large penis, or has very short legs and an average size penis.

Ow! Youre not stepping on my toes. Thats my ankle spanker.

Side Note: See WTF below to get the  just of it. AND who the fuck made up that dumb ass phrase, get the just of it. hmm.

WTF? Volume 11 Edition 14

Side Note: Mom, I apologize in advance. I had to do it.

First off let me admit that something might be wrong with me, that or I have a warped sense of humour. Oh and I sure did have to backspace since just then, and replace it with sense. Why, because I am a freaking idiot. 

Putting a picture of yogurt in this post is wrong in so many ways, but like I always say "its my blog".

So one time at band camp..........actually last night in the car, my son and I were having a discussion and somewhere in that discussion "ankle spanker" came up. Now I can pretty much assure you that I don't have some weird kid walking around wearing my panties. I really only throw in the pantie part because of this show I watched about psycho killer Doug Clark who did wear his moms panties, but hey that is another story. Back to "ankle spankers"! When my son says this my mouth drops and I say WTF, literally WTF? I immediately thought it meant grabbing ankles and getting spanked. Why? I guess because my mind is demented and lives in the gutter. Lucky for me and my son, it wasn't what I thought it was. 

So I said what the hell does that mean. Son says IDK, and yes he says IDK not I don't know (if you have kids you will get it). Me being the great researcher, I head to google and grab the definition. Considering the only definition was under Urban Dictionary I didn't feel quite as bad. Now after this history lesson, talk turns to slang for masturbation. I again go to google and have decided to post my 3 favorite slang words for masturbation. As far as what "ankle spanker" stands for. That will come next in "tween word of the day" until then enjoy the slang below. 

Male Masturbation (these are all wrong on sooooo many levels)
Burping the Worm
Squeeze the Cream from the Flesh Twinkie
Slapping the Snot out of Shorty 

Female Masturbation
Paddling the Pink Canoe
Gagging the Clam
Soaking the Whisker Biscuit

Side Note 2: Happy Friday! Hope this makes up for not posting all week and being a liar.


Tin Truths 15

1. I got a new job.........and its awesome
2. The person that jumped me was a girl
3. Thanksgiving this year is going to be like ole' times. TX vs A&M
4. I sang Baby Got Bank and Ice Ice Baby at Karoke Hell this week.
5. I nixed the stained concrete and am now moving on to Carpetville
6. I learned new slang words for masturbation, look for WTF
7. I think I am turing into an olive and it sucks
8. Yes its that time, and my boobs have been in my hands all week
9. No not that time, just handle my boobs time.
10. Best thing about winter, getting a new pink sweatsuit, JUICY.

Side Note: I dare you to go to Google Images and type in Masturbation. That pic was almost the monkey. lol.


NTR 17

Yes I have been Crazy Busy. My goal this week is to post once a day maybe twice if I am feeling Froggy.

Football this weekend was interesting to say the least. Its been a long time since I watched 3 games in a day. Am I glad Iowa won, yes. Am I glad Texas is #3, yes. Am I glad Fucking Tech won, no.

A Bar with roaches = freaking sick. Yes they were crawling on the bar and NO it wasn't a dive. Needless to say my ass wont be frequenting that place anytime soon. Nor will I be going to the bar/restaurant that I was assaulted at on Saturday. LONG story. But trust me I am fine, and yes I did press charges. I don't fight and I am not white trash, but for some reason this just wasn't my weekend.

You guys are cracking me up with the Tin Truths. I will be responding to these later once I get caught up. 

For those of you that don't know what a Mexican Martini is. Its basically just a margarita served in a cocktail shaker with a martini glass. They also add a little olive juice to the margarita and of course an olive skewer in the glass. I like mine FILTHY!


10 truths 14

1. I am now reading "I hope they serve beer in hell".
2. I have two lead marks on my palms from childhood. 
3. I got them from sticking a pencil in my left hand. twice
4. My high score on brick breaker is 9640
5. I had a date with myself the other night, damn I am good
6. I can eat olives with anything, I freaking love em'
7. I actually wore a bra 3x this week, weird I know
8. I can't wait for christmas
9. My new "now" drink, is the Mexican Martini, DIRTY.
10. I hope when I die I don't come back as a plant.

Side Note: Yes I know this is a day late but thanks to technology, its really not late at all.



24 participants and I am pretty freaking excited. Below are all the people who have dared to join Swapfest. If you see your name in RED please click on this LINK and fill out this online form QUICKLY, so that I can match people up. If for any reason you no longer want to participate then no worries, just shoot me an email. If you have already joined and you dont see your name below, send me an email. justagurl74@gmail.com 

I am going to give the damn procrastinators a few more days to get there forms filled out and then we are off to match city. I will have all the swap buddies ready by Friday. I want to have a mail by date of December 5th. This gives everyone plenty of time to send off their swaps. 

As I said before this isn't about quantity or how much you spend. I thought about putting a price on this swap, but I decided against it. I make the rules here at JAG. Be creative and expect nothing! Send your partner something old, something pink, 10 things, 8 things. Send whatever you want. Send a good book and a blankie shoot I dont care, just send something and put some thought into it. As stated earlier everyone that participated in the swap will be receiving a gift from me. Its going to be a surprise and amazingly awesome, so NO hints. 

Here is the list, the bad guys are the ones in RED. LMAO!

13. idamomb @ idamomb
24. JAG @ justagirl34


we are all screwed!

I am 34 and for the first time in my life I think we are screwed. Neither opponnet has woo'ed me and neither one has come close. Last night I watched Palin on SNL, and it made me cringe. What in the hell was Mc Cain thinking?

Tonight, hug your kids and tell your family you love em'. 
We are in for a rocky road either way.


#5 is not #1

I am in major mourning, over TEXAS. What a freaking roller coaster ride. I drank two mexican martinis, one red bull w/vodka and one jager bomb. All of that and I couldn't catch a buzz. I was too wound up, and it sucked. 

November is one of my favorite months. Its not too cold and not too hot, its just right. Why do I feel like I am quoting goldilocks, uhhhhhh cause I am. I like to call this chili, potato soup, down comforter throw weather. My X used to make fun of me every year when it got cold. The first day it got down to 70 I would want to light the fireplace and make a huge pot of chili. I am freaking weird. 

I boycotted giving out Candy on Halloween, and shoot I am going to hell. Swapfest Info will be updated no later than Wednesday. I am waiting on info back from just a few of you. 

Side Note: My Grandmother makes amazing potato soup, as soon as idamomb  gives me the recipe I will post it.

Side Note 2: This is a boring ass post.


I love #5

These cloths are the awesome. I got these as a sample from Sephora about a month ago. I guess you can say I drank the "blu-ray" koolaid. You wash your face with these and yes they make a huge difference and they are re-usable. You go over each part you are washing for 10 strokes. I love, love, love these

blu-ray polshing cloths, by Cargo ($15)

Side Note: Tomorrow I will be posting the final names for my Swapfest. So technically you still have 48 hours to join. Happy Saturday.


Double D

Holy Cow! I have been crazy freaking busy. I am cracking myself up right now because I just went through 88 emails to find Jen's email, over at One Day at a Time. Last week she did this cool post where someone gave her a letter, then she named 10 things that she loved which started with that letter. Breathe.....that was a long ass sentence. Anywho I got the letter D, here are my 10. If you want a letter tell me in the comments and I will give you one. 

da family


10 Truths 13

1. When I had chocolate pudding and pickles, it was a peter tosh night.
2. My poop smells like dog shit, seriously it does
3. I am thinking about going ba-humbug for Halloween. will see
4. The first bottle of wine always matters, the second one........not so much
5. I absolutely cannot parallel park
6. I also, cant seem to park close enough to the gas pump
7. I have decided that I have great nipples
8. Just once I want to show "Hellmuth" Q/10 not suited.
9. I am on a serious mission to lose 15 pounds
10. This time tomorrow a group of "outside workers" will be staining my concrete.


Happy Birthday!

S. Smiles
I love you and I miss you. Happy Birthday!


Weekend Report

I know! I am a lazy ass! I've pretty much convinced myself that I am going to get dispatcher ass. Oh and as always, if you are dispatcher this is in no way judging. If you are a dispatcher and you are pissed right now, then you already have dispatcher ass. Either way not my problem this isn't about you. I wish I could say this post was going to be groundbreaking, but its just not.
  • Still a Virgin. No Sex! No Kissing! Nothing!
  • Went to "Hogeye' and good times were had by all.
  • Texas won of course.
  • I ate chocolate pudding w/pickles with a handful of chips....weird
  • Favorite Quote last week. It can't all be Peace, Love and Unicorns. Do you know who said it?
Now I get to go find out what you fuckers did this weekend. Oh and I got a BlackBerry and I freaking love it, I am already super freaking addicted. Some of you might have noticed this from the 3 am responses from my phone, ha ha lmao.

Side Note: Why is it that all unicorn pictures look like some 80's throwback.? We have defamed the Unicorn and its pretty sad.

Side Note 2: UHHHHHH yeah it took spell check for me to see that I spelled Ass, Azz. I am an idiot today.


I love #4

I never got the whole primer thing, honestly I thought it was a crock. Today I am a believer. This is a eyeshadow primer, basically you put in on your eyelids before eyeshadow. Does it make your eyeshadow last longer? yes. Can you use it alone? yes. Does it make a difference? yes.

Eyeshadow Primer Potion, by Urban Decay ($16)


D is for Doctor

This first statement isn't meant to cause any Divorces, Separations or Sex Withholding. If your wife or gf says she DOESN'T have the "Doctor Fantasy"........she is lying to you. We have it, and we play that dirty visual out in our head right then and there. So, the D is for Doctor and not just because he was throw you down and take your panties hot, but also because he was funny too.

We had to go to the ER Tuesday Night because my son got a mild concussion. I will not elaborate much more on this, because when it happend it shook me to my core. (dramatic I know, but so true, he is my baby). Now for the fun part.

We get into a room and by this point my son is fine and pissed that we are even there. He is sitting on the bed and in walks Mc Hottie. Mc Hottie is 6 foot, young, chiseled face and has salt and pepper hair. He's wearing scrubs and no undershirt, yeah chest was showing, and he had on redwing boots. When he walked in, he had instant rapport with my son. He wasn't your typical doctor, he pulled out a chair put his feet on the bed and talked to my kid like he was a tween. He made my son feel like they were on the same level and that the doctor was glad he was cool enough to be speaking to my kid. Sorry if that's confusing but its the best way I can explain it. So he tells us its a mild concussion and that we need full x-rays of the arm all the way down. We both thank him and as he is walking out, my son asks for a band aid. 

Mc Hottie then says the best line I think I have ever heard.

"How about instead of a band aid, I get you a can of man and a straw to suck it up with."

He had my son rolling. What a great line! So yeah.....hot, smart, funny and of course freaking married. At least I get to keep my dirty visual and man was it dirty.

What is HOGEYE?

First of all, you guys all crack me up... especially Karen. I am supposed to be the one with the creepy eye phobia, because of Karen's comments yesterday she now joins me. Hogeye is a festival in Elgin, TX. This festival has been around for 21 years, and its too much fun. There is cowpatty bingo, yep I said cowpatty. I am sure if you all use your imagination you can imagine how it works. Then there are the sowpremes, these ladys dress up in pink and sing oldies with a little oink oink twist. They all come out on harleys and its one of my favorite parts of the day. I know, easily pleased. The festival is held in downtown Elgin and its truly a blast. Funnel Cakes, Car Shows, Petting Zoos, Men who beat their chests and Sell Beer, a BBQ Cookoff and lots of fun. There is something about these small town festivals that I think is just great. Oh and I almost forgot.....ALOT of people wear PINK.

So there you have it! Now stay tuned for the DILF.

Side Note: The youtube video is from the Spam Festival not the same as Hogeye. But it was the only video I could find of the sowpremes.


Tin Truths Twelve

1. This weekend I am going to a "Hogeye" Festival and I cant wait.
2. Tuesday night I met a DILF and the D isn't for Dad or Dude
3. Sunday I ate 2 dozen oysters in one sitting 
4. Today my boobs are the size of grapefruits, or large oranges
5. I won Amy's contest over @ Life of a Nguyener and I am pretty excited about it
6. If I had to name one animal that I feel like, it would be a HIPPO
7. I want to lose 15 pounds so I can buy a pair of J Brand Jeans 
8. I think my X and I are finally over the drama, and have agreed to be friends
9. My son got a mild concussion this week and I am re-thinking football BIGTIME
10. The second it got cold outside I started craving slurpee's, something is wrong with me

Side Note: Ken, thank you so much for the pic.


WTF? Volume 7 Edition 4

WTF is happening to our country. I was on a blog the other day and I read about Mother's cookies going bankrupt. I am not really a sweets girl, I prefer the salty snack side of things. However, I freaking love these cookies. To say they are my favorite just doesn't do them justice. I love the sweet silkiness of the icing with the crunchy bits of sprinkles in my mouth. When I heard about this I assumed I could still get some remaining bags until they sold out. UHHHHHHHH no! no bags, no where! I now have to resort to e-bay. This sucks.

In other news I had to bite my tongue last night big time, and man was it hard. You see jag doesnt bite her tongue, she says what she wants, when she wants. She is honest and could care less what people think. Here is the setup.

My son and I are at TGIF's and its 10:16pm, the place closes at 11 pm. It was after football and my son ate a 10oz steak, mashed potatoes, sliders, chicken tenders and peanut butter pie, no point to this, just wanted you to know how much a 13 year old can eat its crazy. For the point.....across from us a husband, wife, child, grandmother, and what i think was a step grandfather sit down at the table next to us. The second the waiter comes up, asshole step dad(now ASD) says he wants happy hour pricing on drinks, asks to speak to the manager and basically demands it, because its now 30 minutes to close. I am listening to all this thinking what an idiot and he is so getting his food spit on. When the manager leaves the table ASD starts lecturing the table about how he took control of the situation and control is how you get what you want, blah blah freaking blah. Now for the screwed up part. What do you think ASD ordered? 12 year old scotch? Martini? Double crown on the rocks? NO! The loser ordered a beer, give me break. A beer, wow buddy that $0.50 really made a huge difference I am sure. No one else even ordered a drink! It took everything in me to not walk over and tell that guy he was a loser douche bag. Today I wish I would have.


I'm a Dirty Cheater

So yeah my title brings all the boys to the blog....I was tagged by Penny and in her post she called herself a Dirty Cheater. So technically I guess I am a dirty cheater and a dirty thief. Holy shit its Dirty Tuesday. I am loving the dirty talk. Oh what a sad life I lead. 

Back to the point, Penny Lane over at "She is Anyway" has a great blog so check her out. Now the bad news I don't tag so if you like it take it. 2. I can't do six random things because I already do that on thursday and secondly I don't do things in 6. Damn I am a bitch. So now I will list my 5 wishes. Since I didn't tag any of you bastards, each person that reads this should leave a comment of one of their wishes. Leave it to me to change the whole damn process, screw up the rules and deconstruct the meme. Sorry Penny! Okay not that sorry. 

I wish

Narnia was real

Water Horses were in Lake Travis

I was a fairy

We had another presidential canidate

I could touch the stars just one time

Side Note: Do not google Dirty Boy!!!!!!!


Someone is so kissing my ass

This person would be Tiffany. Yes she gave me an award and yes I believe she thinks I am awesome. BUT I also think Tiffany Twilight might have an ulterior motive. I also convinced that she is getting freaking twilight kickbacks! Anyhow this woman has a great blog so go check her crazy ass out.

So here goes....six things that make me happy. Well unfortunately I don't do things in sixes so I will give you 5.

1. Spending time with mom, and I mean anytime. Laughing with her and our phone talks are priceless. I love you mom!

2. My kid, he has great humor(wonder where he got that) and he just gets its. He is my life and definitely makes me happy. I love you son!

3. Cold Milk! Pretty simple I like my milk cold and it makes me happy. I love you milk!

4. It makes me happy when I crawl in my bed and all the sheets, pillow cases and down comforters have just been washed. I love you Downy!

5. POKER! Poker makes me really freaking happy. I love you 74 suited!

I can't just give to 6 or 7 others, because I love you all. So if you always wanted this award take it because in reality I did give it to you. Take it, place it, and tell me what makes you happy. You don't even have to link, lol. Happy Monday!

Side Note: If blogger didn't have spell check, ulterior would have been alterior.


Just Saying.........

I don't clip coupons, I don't like them and I don't want to sit around and cut them. If you are a coupon cutter, I want you to know that I don't look down on you and I don't think I am better than you. So if you are taking this personal get over it, this isn't about you. Sadly this post has nothing to do with coupons, its about people that get pissed off about products and write letters to the manufacturers, something else I don't do.

But I am seriously considering it. 

Product #1- Chunky Soup "Sirloin Burger
This soup really pissed me off this week. I love sirloin burger or I should say used to love. I opened a can the other day and there was 1 piece of meat. Are you shitting me, one piece. Now I am not a meat pig. I don't expect the soup to be full of meat, nor do i go on an instant meat dig. But give me a break one piece. Rename this crap people or add more burger.

Product #2- Smart Ones "Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes"
Another "used to be" must have. I get that its diet food and I get that you squash a bunch of damn vegetables to produce mystery meatloaf. I am okay with that part. The part that I am not okay with is the fact that you added in some disgusting ass animal/people/rock bone shit into my meatloaf. Forget about the obvious fear of going to cracked tooth land, lets talk about living in WTF Town. I spit this thing out instantly and then threw up a little in my mouth. And then yes, spent the rest of the day wondering what the hell it was. I will not make that mistake again.

Side Note: Over 10 years ago I stopped eating cheap ass hamburger meat because while cooking it I saw too many noodle artery things and just couldn't stomach it. I know........I am weird.


I love #3

This bottle was one of my first perfume purchases. I am one of those girls who loves perfume. Mademoiselle makes me feel sexy flirty. Yes I just made up my own style. I think this scent smells amazing on most woman. Go ahead and keep a mental note, bribes will be accepted at a later date.

COCO Mademoiselle, by Chanel ($80)

Post 101

Its hard to believe this is my big 101. It all started July 18th, I was depressed and on my way too broken. I decided that day I was going to start my blog, good, bad or ugly. I didn't expect to meet such great people, but I did. This blog helped me through a very tough time. I cant wait to see what the next 101 bring. Thanks to all my family, friends, commenter's and lurkers.

Side Note: Yes I finally give myself the Tiffany Box and nothing is freaking in it. Beggars can't be choosers, or can they?


There's a Party in my Pants

Let me start by saying that I don't want you to go out, get poster board and do a mock science project. Its just a question folks! How long does it take you to P?

This is how long it takes me:

56 seconds and this includes washing my hands. Me being the dork I am, put something in the microwave for 3 1/2 minutes. As soon as I shut the microwave door I start hopping around my kitchen. My legs were crossed and my face had that "I need to fucking p" look on it. Now, at this point I should have told myself "you are an adult go the bathroom already". But NO, I had to take my meal out and stir it and then put back in for another minute, there is no freaking time. I looked at the microwave at it had 1:54 seconds remaining. So like all women my age I challenged myself. Could I P in 1:54, I wish I was joking when I said I laughed all the way to the bathroom. Laughing so hard, I am lucky I didn't P on myself. When I got back to kitchen the clock said :58.

I was so excited I did the "I am awesome dance" right there in my kitchen. I screamed Yes, like I just made the last TX touchdown to beat OU. Next challenge can I open the microwave door right before the beep but still on the 0. UHHHHH not so much. Here is where I look around my empty kitchen to make sure Mc Kitchen Ghost isn't watching.

The point, I'm a dork.

Side Note: 100th post but talking about 100th post will actually be 101th post. Damn I crack myself up, seriously.


Tin Truths 11

1. I can't wait to have my mom's stuffing
2. I don't own anything from Tiffany & Co. , but I should
3. I am having a garage sale on Saturday and I hate garage sales
4. I haven't had sex in 5 months and I am going crazy
5. For a week I have gone to sleep thinking about kissing for hours
6. I am thinking about reading the "twilight" series, Tiffany I said "thinking"
7. Just once I want to say "the Tribe has spoken"
8. I wonder if masturbation can truly make you go blind
9. Brody and I got married last night, so I may need to chill out on the reality tv
10. I wish I could click my flip flops and go anywhere I wanted, just once. (okay Ben made a good point, twice so I can get home)

Side Note: Tomorrow is my 100th post, so I will be in hiding today to make sure nothing awesome happens to blog about. OCD Much?


Dragomir, My New Hero

If you know me, you know I love poker. Its my passion. I have been recording the 2008 WSOP and I watch the episodes over and over. Tonight was freaking awesome and so this leads to my first 2008 WSOP post.

If you don't watch or play poker feel free to leave now. First the bad! My Favorite Player "Gus Hansen" was knocked out. Now for the AWESOME. I am a Phil Helmuth hater and when I say hater I mean I can't stand to watch this douchebag! Tonight my friends he got burned, and I think one of new favorites is "Dragomir".

Blinds are 12K/24K

Phil: AS/KH
Dragomir: 10D/4D

Dragomir raises to 80K, Phil Raises to 255K, Dragomir Calls. Now we are playing poker!

Flop Comes: 9C/10C/7S

Dragomir bets 300K, Phil does what Phil always does and starts crying like the baby he is and of course folds. Because crybaby talked so much shit, Dragomir flips his cards over and shows Phil.

Freaking Classic, Phil proceeds to call him an idiot and Dragomir says hes the idiot with the stack. The whole table and audience go crazy cheering and laughing. Phil looked stunned and truly looked like the real idiot. This has made my night, and yes I watched it twice more just to see the look on that assholes face. I really hope he doesn't make it to the final table.

Side Note: Anxiously awaiting November 9th!