1.24.2010

just a thought




hi.

so last night at 2:30 in the morning my brain wouldn't let me sleep. I seem to have insomnia of sorts lately or maybe its insomnia of the brain. It took everything in me not to login to blogger and let out a thousand thoughts. I just kept hearing my mom and her damn 24 hour rule, you know wait 24 hours before you send the awful email, pissed off text, etc. I am not even mad at anyone in particular just people in general. My dad for not being a dad and then dying. A friend for not seeing who I really am. Others, who seem to have judgement on everything I do yet spend very little time in my life. I get up and I get dressed just like everyone else. I do my best not to pass judgement on others in my life. Maybe I should do a better job at not passing judgement period. Maybe this is my karma, my payback. Its funny last night and for most of the day yesterday I kept hearing words in my head. Words that have been said to me over the past month from so called friends and my family. Its allot to take in sometimes, every ones thoughts and opinions on your life.

Well if you have read my blog before then you know I haven't been as close to god as I probably should be. And yes I spell it with a little g. In October of last year I read "the shack" and for the most part that has changed. We have our talks now and were working out the kinks. Last night I was so frustrated that I grabbed his book and put it on my chest and screamed FINE I give up. Then I said what I seem to always say which is show me a sign. So I told myself I am going to open this book and will just see what I am "supposed to read". When I opened it, it was the last page of Job and the point basically was to pray for your friends and in return good will come to you. Yes not groundbreaking, but it made sense to me. I prayed for my friends and I had a talk with god and I slept with my bible.

Today, I am not cured. I haven't witnessed a miracle. However, I know I can do this. I am going to be fine. I do feel better today. Maybe I need to just do what I need to do and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. and just maybe I NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE FAITH!

Side note: thanks god!

18 comments:

kristi said...

Hey, I am not perfect either. And my relationship with God has changed a lot. I cuss more (if you read my blog, you know) but I am still a nice person!

Sassy Pants Freckle Face said...

The greatest thing about God is it is what you need it to bee,... sometimes,.. if we believe that we shall see better, I read the Shack, and I did a lot of 360's in my own mind,.. be calm,.. and quiret and you will hear what you need to know,.. I trust in that! thinking of you today :)

Ken said...

So your one up on me, I haven't made up with god yet, and the way he is treating my mother right now I have no plans too either. But I am glad you did.

NucMEd is Hot said...

I have the shack. Haven't read it. Not ready. Sometimes , with friends, all you can do is pray, because you can't be friends, and it sucks, but it's the way it is. I say pray away, what will it hurt?

Kaylen said...

I'm not a believer in any one particular god, or one particular bible, but I think it's important to have faith. Faith that there are good people. Faith that good things will come. Faith that love is important. Faith that things will get better.

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Luna said...

i'm not very spiritual or believe everything the bible says but i'm a good person. many times i am not a big fan of God b/c of things that happen in my life and other i know. i still try to have faith and be positive and hopefully positive things will come my way also.

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Gustavo said...

Hello how are you? I'm from Brazil and accidentally found your blog.

Just wanted to say something about what you wrote.
First you made sure to pray for his friends. God speaks the word that He blessed Job when he prayed for his friends.

"And the Lord turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends, and the LORD said, twice, to all that Job had before." Job 42:10

Another thing: Miracle can not be explained, if he lives. You'll find God in their daily prayers, in his honest heart before Him

Have a praise that speech:

Faith is being sure of what can not be seen, hope that comes from heaven to ascend. Flame alive in us, that moves the heart of God and brings to life the impossible. Faith that changes the story of those who believe and do to rewind time, I have faith the strength to touch God.

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Kisses, is with God.

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Kathleen... said...

Mind me asking why you don't capitalize God? Just curious. I like the way you've described your "talks." That's nice. =)

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Dinobotxx said...

I know this is a late comment; but I think you already understand God and how He works. Sometimes when you pray, the ground doesn't shake or things don't happen right away; but you feel different - you feel stronger and happier. God often works like this; and I'm happy that you're getting stronger faith. Everyone has those moments you had - I get them often, too! I hope you're doing well! :)

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