Tonight I went to the bar and played my weekly night of poker. I didn't win and that's not even the point. About a month ago, I met this gentleman who was a lot older and was a successful business man. I was the young girl at the table as I normally am, and he was an elder. Throughout the night this man and I had some interesting conversations. At one point we started talking about the homeless, a subject I am very passionate about. A subject that I can promise, you don't want to debate about with me. Why? Because I will win. During this conversation the "elder" asked me what I would do if I had unlimited money to devote to the homeless.
I explained to him that I felt like homelessness wasn't just about drug addicts, alcoholics and the mentally ill. I told him this was my passion and I believed that the problem was that we weren't helping these people from the inside out. I am not a naive girl! I realize that there are people out there that choose this life. But I also believe with all my heart that there are also people out there that know, no other way. If you sleep on the streets and you get used to the lifestyle, a part of you starts to believe that this is you. Your self esteem gets depleted and in a lot of ways you get broke down. How is this any different than women that are abused? How is this any different than children that grow up in homes that are anything but healthy? I don't care if you are on drugs, a drunk or just mentally beat down. I believe that we all deserve a chance, and who are any of us to say if and when these people have blown through there chances. I told him that if I had unlimited money, I would help these people mentally. I wouldn't shave them, feed them, give them clean clothes and send them on there way. I would try and help them from the inside. To help them fill full and whole again. I am in no way a saint. But I can tell you that I have no right to throw stones, and those people are no better than you and I. That night the "elder" told me about how much money he had. About how I should come in there on Monday and "pitch" this to him. About how he had so much money and he could help. Bullshit, you are just some fucking guy in a bar. Some guy that has no idea where these people come from.
Fast Forward to tonight. I see the same guy. Do you think he remembers me? NO! Do you think he remembers our conversation? NO!
So tonight me being the "young in" that I am. He again decides to go deep. I am so up for the challenge. He asks me what I think about the economy and what I think is going to happen to us as a country.
This is what I told him. I am a 34 year old woman with a 14 year old son and I have never been so scared in my life. Everyday I feel the doom and gloom all around me and its eats me up inside. I still think of myself as a child and in these moments I feel more grown up then I ever have. Am I scared, hell yeah. How could I not be. But I am a devil's advocate kind of girl So for me the worst case scenario is a given. I tell him that I refuse to live in fear over this one topic. I tell him that I relate this to "little house on the prairie". They lived without electricity, they lived for each other off the land. NO, I am not a tree hugger. I too have taken more than I have needed just like the rest of us. But our worst case is what. Our worst case scenario is this. If things get really bad then as a country we start to combine efforts. Children move in with mom's, Grandmother's move in with Children. As a country we come together as a unit. We reach out and we help our neighbor. Bottom lime we will all get through this together. That is what America is about. We show our strength and our unity and no matter how bad it gets we give the next generation something to be proud of. Just like the generations before us. We find unity and this brings us closer, how can that be a bad thing in the end. After this conversation the "elder" tells me I should come work for him. What a joke! I tell him "you can't afford me" you don't even get it.
I believe in my hearts of heart that I am a good person. I don't know where I stand with God and in some ways that gives me an easy way out. It would be so easy to blame him for all that is wrong. The sad part of that is that the older I get I realize that all that is wrong, we have caused. What a sad revelation.
People get over yourself, we are all scared. If you are reading this thinking I am being dramatic, well than you are full of shit. I am just speaking what so many of us are afraid to voice. We are all scared. Its not about being scared its about how we deal with it.
Sorry to be soooooooo blah. But as Christina says " life isn't all peace, love and unicorns".