9.04.2008

Deep


These are my words, my feelings and yes my blog. A place for me to say what I want, when I want!

I have had a long running feud with God. I know the day it started, and the reasons I will keep to myself. I am the kid (yes I am still a kid) that always questions the why, how, what and where. For years I have told myself that IF there is a God, then he understands 100% where I am at in my life and he understands my doubts.

But to be honest I am just pissed. Not knowing if there is a God, or where my faith lies, leaves me not knowing who to be pissed at right now. I don't understand life and I am sick of people telling me I am not supposed to understand it. When it comes to the all mighty, I believe I should have rights. I believe I do have the right to know the meaning of it and why things happen the way they do. I don't care who ate the fucking apple and I don't care that water was turned into wine.

There are a thousand things that I am grateful for, and there are a thousand things I am not grateful for. I just don't get it. Bad things do happen to good people and good things do happen to bad people. That's just life right, so we should all just except it and be grateful. Well sorry but not today. I don't understand the suffering part and I don't believe in the BS of everything happens for a reason and all the other tag lines that you could insert here. We basically live our lives to grow old and suffer till deaf, and it makes me really mad. So at this point in my life I am pissed at God, pissed because his plan sucks, pissed because faith isn't making me feel any better and pissed because if there isn't a God then what the hell are we doing.

Side Note: I am not in some black hole of depression I am fine. In two minutes I will post Thursday's Tin Truths and we will be back to our regular scheduled program.

Side Note 2: I think there should be a name for people who are in God Purgatory.

10 comments:

Dan da Man said...

I know what you mean i dont know how people think god effects everyday life because if he did good things wouldnt happen to bad people and so forth its hard to say there isnt a god but a god that changes the events of your day at his will no

Denney Crane said...

I spent 28 years of my life experiencing what you share here on this blog.

Today, my feud is over. My questions have been answered. My anger is still present, but not directed at God anymore. All doubt of His presence is gone. I have been made to underrstand why things happen the way they do and its meaning, although specific reasons only God knows.

I'm a still a sinful man with many flaws. I have issues daily with the same things you speak of.

It is my prayer you find His peace...

Deb said...

I feel your pain. I have more than one difference of opinion with my "higher power" too. I don't know if there is something bigger or what it is. I dont believe I will ever know, and I guess that's where faith comes in, but I'm a little short there too. So all I can to is live my life day to day the best I possibly can. That's all I know I have control over.

Ken said...

I think deb and I are on the same page here!. after what my mother is going through right now i have my doubts. But if he pulls a miracle out of his____ I will be there 100%

Music Monkey said...

I'm so sorry that something has made you feel like this. But I'm so relieved someone else feels like me. I am like a grumpy teenager with God just now. He refuses to give me my way but instead taunts me with it then takes it away! The God I believed in a year ago wouldn't do that!
I hope you feel better though about whatever made you feel this way soon.

Leslie said...

I have no anwers...therefore I drink.

Anonymous said...

I find that I myself think this too. I really can't say that I do not believe in God because I know that something had to create us even the smallest form of "us". I think that the whole "Things happen for a reason" bit is actually a bit of bull shit. Why can't we just say that we were born and from there its our own choices. God has nothing to do with whether or not you decide to take that Xanax and have a great fucking night or choose not to take the Xanax and have a great fucking night.
I think that at the end of the day I could care less whether or not i was meant to go right on my street or left. We have a plan in our life and that is to go from point A to point B in any means possible. From 0 to 95 (or whenever we hopefully die in our sleep). I'm glad that I'm still alive and I'm not going to thank anyone for that. I'm glad my parents got busy that night late in November, 21 years ago but everything after that has been me.
You are who you are because of the choices you make/made. So be pissed off because that, in all honesty, is what gets us through our days. Having the ability to scream at the top of our lungs at that bastard who cuts us off in traffic.
Lots of love a dove,
Da Cuz

NucMEd is Hot said...

I blindly beieve in God because the idea that this shit happens for NO reason scares me even more than it happening for some unknown reason.

Also I take lots of xanax and drink I find that helps a ton.

abbagirl74 said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I don't know where I stand with God either. So many questions to answer, but when people try to answer, I always wonder how would they know? My heart goes out to you. We should take every moment we have with our loved ones and cherish them. You are completely right.

g-man said...

Interesting thought, IF there is a God that he knows where you are and where your doubts come from. Very profound I think.

Sorry that you are in that place.