I wanna know!!!

Do you like to smell your own farts? be honest!!!!!!!

What is your one indulgence?

Do you think big ass roaches are afraid of the light?

What uses more energy your ac or 500 fans plugged into your outlets?

Midgets, Roaches and Roping PART 2.

OMG! Too freaking much. So remember how I just said that I won't step foot in the living room. Well when I finished my post right now, I got up to go get my shoes out of the roach room. When I walked in I had to crack up. I wondered why for the past hour there has been no sign of my two little kitty cats. Apparently I am not the only one in the house SCARED of human eating roaches. Apparently these roaches not only terrorize humans but they EAT kittens. My son took the two kittens, their food, water, cat box and toys all with him in his room to sleep last night. Too damn funny. 

And here this whole time I was PRAYING that the kittens ate the damn thing. Shit, we are at square one.

Side Note: Not to mention the fact that I think my son said last night that the thing crawled over him. CRAWLED over him. Somebody get me out of here!

Midgets, Roping and Roaches!

I can already tell that today is going to be one of "those" days. I woke up this morning and literally had to just lay there a  minute and slowly take in what happened last night. First of all at some point I had multiple conversations with a 14 year old about a roach in the living room. Conversations that included me telling my son to shut my door and stick a towel under it. If you never knew before that I am a heavy sleeper this should be my tell. I am TERRIFIED of roaches and yes I am assuming this freaking thing was a tree roach. SO for me to have to just gone to sleep means I was tired. Because right now its taking everything in me not to go in there and wake him up to get the exact details. Had I of been awake we wouldn't of slept till my son had that thing out of the house. I won't step in the living room and I am in my office with my feet in my chair right now and I won't let my blanket touch the ground.  THIS SUCKS!

As I am laying in my bed getting through the roach fog, I realize I have midget roping fog that I need to think about next. Yes you heard me midget roping. I have this crazy ass dream that my X and I and a few other couples are all at the park. For some reason he takes off his shirt and decides he wants to play soccer. So he runs off far ahead of me. When we finally get up to him he is a midget and every time he catches the ball this fat "carnie" ropes him like a damn pony and brings him back to this shade tree so he can throw the ball. In my dream this only happens once and I am shocked that my X didn't get mad. This was beyond bizarre and I don't even want to know what this one means.

Side Note: Please no offense to the little people, but I couldn't exactly keep writing little people over and over now could I. HA cracking myself up, but seriously no offense.

Side Note 2: Uhhh ya I guess you don't rope pony's you rope calf, sorry! Oh and get it.......ping bug, lmao!

Tin Truths 30

1. Tarantulas give me the heebeegeebees, bigtime!

2. I think it's 110 today........my point, its freaking hot!

3. Chocolate Lucky Charms at midnight are sooooo good.

4. They are even better after Popeye visits.

5. I still love my kitties!

6. I wanna touch myself, sorry couldn't resist. and by the way who doesn't?

7. Tomorrow will be Aderall day.

8. I think I could live on cereal.

9. I don't generally drink beer, but today I am craving it. Dos Equis!

10. Its going to be a long summer, I really hope its a good one!

JFC #6

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UHHHH, What the hell is in my bubble bath.

I am addicted to baths, big time. The other night I got in my bathtub and was admiring everything around me. My pink candles, the warm water, the beautiful new bottle I got to hold my Mr. bubble and then..................WTF is in my freaking bubble bath!!!! Is that a BUG!!!!!!! Damn mosquito got in my bottle. NoW, if I was a normal person, I would just move on with my day with no thought to this BUG. However, I am not a normal person. All I kept thinking about was all the virus's those nasty ass things carry.  I had a talk with my inner paranoid self and we decided as a team that I had to throw out the bubble bath. We couldn't take the chance of infecting our bath water with WEST NILE. Yes, welcome to my world.

The week ended way better then expected. I am very happy for life to be back to normal so to speak. I am thinking about changing my blog "look". If you know of anyone that does this let me know. I want something simple!!!!!!! 

Now...Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me. Lets talk about...........well you get the picture. I do this "sing song" thing as my cousin calls it. When I want to get off the phone with someone I start to sing song my words. Never noticed it till she pointed it out about 2 years ago. Luckily, I don't have those tells in poker. Not even sure why I just told you that! My point is that I have been walking around for the past two days signing song verses. I guess I am in a good mood. What I can't understand is why the verse I have been saying over and over is "bitch better have my money". I love the dirty lyrics in rap songs. Something so taboo about saying "you can lick my lollipop". AND I wonder why my kid laughs at "Bangkok".

Well that's all folks!!!!!!!!!

Side Note: If there is a song verse you sing that is dirty and sticks in your head at the weirdest times, tell me about it. Happy Friday!

Best Blonde Joke Ever!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine sent this to me and I love it, love it, love it!

Q: How do you get a Blonde to break her nose?

A: Put a dick under a glass table!!

And I lost a reader!!!!

Sorry I must be boring someone with my posts. Good news I am getting the kitty!!!!!! My X was here in December when Blackie died. It was heartbreaking for us both. Today I was very excited to get an email from him telling me that he was getting the kitty for me. So ya, the orange one will be mine in the morning and I named her Cheeto!

I don't know how many of you have seen this already but when I read it I had to share. Its written by a woman named Regina Brett who is a columnist.

NOW.......I WANT EVERYONE TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME........even you lurkers. I want to know that you are out there and I want some damn comments. So take 2 minutes and PReTTY please tell me what number is your favorite!!!!!!!

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Side Note: Just DO IT already!

Side Note 2: Yes, I have the shoes!

I want the kitties.......I WANT THEM!!!!

My beloved Blackie has been gone since December. It has been awful and it has taken me a long time to decide if I wanted another cat. I was convinced I was going to be a turtle mommy, but as you all know that shit didn't work out. Today I decided to go craigslist surfing and I found this little girl(the orange one). I instantly fell in love with her and named her cheeto. Tomorrow I will find it if she is mine. AND then.............10 minutes later I found out she has a brother. My son is begging me to get them both. I have always wanted persian kittens, did i say ALWAYS! So here it is the first glance at my "maybe" new pets. I just really hope this lady comes wayyyyy down on the price so that I can get them both. 

cross your fingers kids! this is exactly what I need!

Side Note: and yes I totally feel like the girl in the willy wonka who says. I want a golden ticket daddy, I want it.

WTF? Volume 8 Edition 6

To say that I am weird about food is an understatement. I have so many crazy ass rules when it comes to food that sometimes I shake my head at myself. But what I saw the other day was not only mind blowing it was down right disgusting.  

So lets talk about milk. My milk rule is that I don't drink milk past 2 days before the sell by date. I don't like to drink milk when its hot outside and I don't like drinking milk out of small plastic containers from the convenience store.

A few weeks ago I went to Sonic and ordered a milk, only because of an upset stomach. When I got the milk I checked the date like I always do. Mind you the day I was getting the milk it was like June 3. The drink by date on the milk was AUGUST 3!!!!!! WTF??? 60 days... the milk is good for 60 days are you freaking kidding me. I asked the lady how is that even possible and she looked confused as to what the problem was. I looked on the front label and it said ULTRA- Pasteurized. UHHHH Ya I guess so. 

And NO, I didn't drink the milk. Does anyone else think that's nuts??? Cleverly... Wacky is on the front of it, which is my mind is an understatement!

Side Note: Ground breaking post, huh...not!

Side Note 2: I had to spell check convenience, 3 times. That is a long ass word!

Just............The longest week of my life.

It started Sunday night. My son called me in tears from his friends house, complaining of a major headache. At the time I thought it was "just" a migraine. I found out real quick at the doctor on Monday, that it was way more serious. He went straight to the hospital where they found out that he had meningitis. He was in the hospital for a week and luckily it was viral. It's strange how one thing can domino into so many emotions and different events. I have to tell you that I now have way more respect for those parents who deal with special needs children. For 6 of the past 7 days my son needed me 22 hours a day. When it was all said and done, I was proud of myself for getting through it. Here are ten things about last week. Look for lots more this week as I suddenly have a ton of material.

1. Dell Children's hospital is amazing. What a difference a hospital that caters to children makes!!

2. My family constantly amazes me. When I need them the most they are there, and I never have to ask!

3. I always know that I love my son. But this week I realized more then ever, that you have to cherish every moment. Good..Bad..Indifferent.

4. Hospital food really SUCKS. But I never get tired of drinking milk out of those tiny cartons.

5. Everything happens for a reason. I think I have this one figured out.

6. I am feeling very overwhelmed with my life right now, and I am questioning everything!

7. In times like these, you find out who your true friends are.

8. I can no longer handle people in my life who lie.

9. I learned Bunco, I loved Bunco and I hated Bunco. All in a 24 hour period.

10. I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Side Note: I know all will be better soon. Right now it just feels like more then I can handle.

JFC #5

Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler

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JFC #4

In The Bleachers by Steve Moore

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Does anyone know the number........For

BPS!!!!!!

That would be Bird Protective Services. What is the deal????? First I wake up this morning to a chirp factory in my back yard. I handled it and even appreciated the chirping for a few minutes. But now its 2:45 pm and the mommy bird is freaking MIA. And these fuckers wont shut up. 

So it got me to wondering, what do mommy birds do all day. They feed their children and then they get the hell out for the day. Smart birds but not very fun for me, the new babysitter!!!!!!

Too FUNNY!

The New F***ing Citibank - watch more funny videos

Tin Truths 29

1. I am now the mom of a High Schooler!

2. I finally learned how to make my Aunt's, Macaroni and Tomatoes.

3. I quickly became addicted to " I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here".

4. I am starting to wonder who my true friends are.

5. People from my past are coming out of the wood work.

6. I am on the hunt for a tree for my back yard, suggestions???

7. On #6, no oak=no roaches, right?

8. Crawfish season is almost over, so sad.

9. I think no is the new yes.

10. I think I want to learn how to skateboard.

Side Note: Okay, maybe I only want a pink skateboard!

They're BACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of you know that I am total dork. I do some of the dorkiest things, wait is dorkiest a word? (screw it, now it is). So last night I got to HEB to get just a few groceries and it felt a little twilight zony. But those stories will have to come last. Right now we have to talk about the main attraction.

MY MOTHERS CIRCUS ANIMAL COOKIES, are back.

I couldn't freaking believe it. There I am minding my own business when bamm, I run smack dab into an end cap that has all the bags. I felt like a kid seeing Santa for the first time. I stopped I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Then I stood there in awe  and said STFU! So ya that didn't last long. My original post was 10/22, so it didn't even take a year.

On the other stuff, I think the grocery store is usally a miserable place to be. When I go I try to get in and out, with as little contact with anyone as possible. This time was different. I went in a good mood I felt like my eyes were wired wide open. That being said there are some FREAKS at the grocery store. It wasn't as bad as walmart. But definitely a place where you could throw around a thousand stereo types. The one that stuck out the most was the bitch mom, her 5 year old husband and the two little fat kids dumb and dumber. At first I felt bad for the lady the 2 boys were running around and of course dad was egging them on. In the cheese isle even I was annoyed, somebody control these fucking heathens. But by the time I got to the meat isle it had turned cute. Those brats didn't want to be at the store and either did the dad. They were all trying to  make the best of it. This mom was MEAN! And although I am sure it was the situation....I had to ask myself. WHY, would you want to take any of them to the store to do a weeks worth of shopping? In my opinion she asked for it.

Side Note: RPM and Ken, you guys rock! Friends don't let Friends go without cookies! Thanks again for my circus cookies, one of the coolest things ever I have gotten in the mail!