one

Just a process, thats what I have to keep telling  myself. I am turned upside down-could I feel anymore twisted..NO.  karma, everything happens for a reason, good things happen to good people, very hard to believe any of this in my current state. Daily thoughts, a process to help with a process, ironic.

Strong what a funny word, add the letter b to the front. Much easier said then done. Love, I still have it. Yet the countdown of days, leaves me knowing I will grieve the loss of it. A wise man once said, "you are grieving the loss of hope". Amazing how many times that sentence has come to play in my life, and how much sense it actually made.

Love I believe is created not made, what came first the chicken or the egg. Its funny when something that hurts so badly, is truly so right. That is the hardest part..there is a void now and when the days come to be, the void will still be there.

Everyone needs a support system. I have an amazing one, people who truly love me for me. I am thankful for that. I have something to offer to a child, a mother, a friend and a lover. Thats what I have to think about in the coming days where I only see dark.

At 34 I never really had the dream of marriage. I have the dream of family. What is family, not meant to sound quite as deep as it does. Doughnuts and cartoons in bed in the morning, my old standby saying.

I  know what I want; I just dont know when I want it. A fairy tale not a fairy tale ending, thats a start.