10.17.2008

There's a Party in my Pants



Let me start by saying that I don't want you to go out, get poster board and do a mock science project. Its just a question folks! How long does it take you to P?

This is how long it takes me:

56 seconds and this includes washing my hands. Me being the dork I am, put something in the microwave for 3 1/2 minutes. As soon as I shut the microwave door I start hopping around my kitchen. My legs were crossed and my face had that "I need to fucking p" look on it. Now, at this point I should have told myself "you are an adult go the bathroom already". But NO, I had to take my meal out and stir it and then put back in for another minute, there is no freaking time. I looked at the microwave at it had 1:54 seconds remaining. So like all women my age I challenged myself. Could I P in 1:54, I wish I was joking when I said I laughed all the way to the bathroom. Laughing so hard, I am lucky I didn't P on myself. When I got back to kitchen the clock said :58.

I was so excited I did the "I am awesome dance" right there in my kitchen. I screamed Yes, like I just made the last TX touchdown to beat OU. Next challenge can I open the microwave door right before the beep but still on the 0. UHHHHH not so much. Here is where I look around my empty kitchen to make sure Mc Kitchen Ghost isn't watching.

The point, I'm a dork.

Side Note: 100th post but talking about 100th post will actually be 101th post. Damn I crack myself up, seriously.

14 comments:

Music Monkey said...

I ask this question of people regularly. I HATE standing in a queue waiting for a loo and the world's slowest pee'ers(check that spelling) are taking up the cubicles. It's not rocket science people. Pee and leave!
Glad to know if you're ever in a toilet in front of me you'll be swift!

Jormengrund said...

I've gotta be the opposite here.

For me, I hold it, and hold it, and HOLD it.

Thus, when the time comes for me to visit the bathroom, I tend to take my time making sure the darn bladder is EMPTY.

I have to admit, though, the rush of endorphins you get when you finally are able to release that tension?? Major Heaven!

DONN COPPENS said...

Congrats on #100! You are so prolific that 200 will arrive around Mid-December.

Listen, You are not a dork, but you may very well be some sort of mutant freak if you can whiz that fast..
seriously, it is a proven scientificky rule that only guys can pee at the speed of light while goils must spend half their life in bathrooms doing god-knows-what but some of that time must include peeing at a very slow rate of speed.

Now you need to step up to the plate and shoot for distance. Good Luck.

Dan da Man said...

I stand in the bathroom trying to hold it for as long as possible just for shits and giggles. Yes picture me hopping up and down with my panys off trying not to p on myself

Helmey said...

depends on how many times you shake it

Heinous said...

Good lord, I do the same thing with the microwave. It's like some sort of demented accomplishment to see that '0' on there. It's good to know I'm not alone.

NucMEd is Hot said...

I'v never timed myself, but since I'm not smoking, I will have lots of time on my hands, I'll check it out this weekend

Danielle-lee said...

teehee! That's great! Now I am totally going to time myself next time!

Ken said...

P in under a minute and wash your hands, Remind me never to kiss your hands!!.

And you also CRACK ME THE FUCK UP!

Tiffany said...

Damn what an accomplishment. LOL

Thomas said...

Depends on if I had burritos the night before. :P

Penny Lane said...

Thanks for the invitation to the pants party. I love that picture!

Dan said...

Not sure hold on........36 seconds, that included 4 shakes.
No washing of the hands since I didn't get pee on them.

Ponygirl said...

Dan! You hold onto anything while you were peeing???? You still need to wash..... ew.

It takes me about 20 seconds to pee (got a very small bladder, unfortunately) and then the other 30 seconds or so is pants down, pants up, flush, wash hands, dry hands.

You only need to rub the soap around on your hands for 10 seconds for it to be effective - I know this because I am a nurse.