just another decade

I guess I will always be an airhead at heart. The other day I was sitting around with friends and they started talking about the next decade. I sat there very quiet thinking wow what are these people talking about....the next decade wont be for another 990 years. That night I learned that a decade was 10 years and all of a sudden I didnt just have hope for 2010 I had hope for the new decade.

So today my Tin Truths is dedicated to the past and to the future. 

1. The last 10 were the most painful years of my life.

2. I end 2009 forgiving and losing my dad.

3. I end this decade forgiving, missing, and loving my beautiful sister.

4. Watching my amazing son grow over the past 10 years has been beyond priceless.

5. I start this next decade 35 and so ready to conquer the next 10.

6. I got through this decade I can get through anything.

7. I will travel in the next 10. A trip with my son. A trip with my mom. A trip for just me.

8. Poker is in my Professional future this go round.

9. I will strive to be happy and eliminate anyone or anything that hinders that. 

10. I will raise my son into a man. 

I can't wait for the NEXT ONE! jag out.

Side Note: I don't have those rain boots. But I so wish I did.

I Wanna Know!

1. Why is yeah spelled yeah and not ya.

2. If you are a nun what religion are you? Or do all religions have nun's?

3. Where do Gnats come from? Is there a momma and daddy gnat?

4. Why does the cheap bubble bath work better then the expensive stuff?

5.  If your fish was blind, how would you know?

JUST ASKING!!!

My Night at the Playboy Mansion!

I got a call on Thursday afternoon from the playboy mansion. The gentleman on the phone said he wanted me to come hang out for the weekend to see if I would a good fit as one of Hef's new girlfriends. I ran home packed clothes I didn't even know I had and headed off. When I got there I was given everything I ever wanted. My toes were done, my hair was colored/cut/straightned, and a makeup artist did my face. I met the other bitches, I mean girls and decided I had no competition. I couldn't believe how skinny I  looked in that Red DIOR. We all jumped in a limo and went out for the night. We had dinner and danced till morning. Hef was a perfect gentleman although his brother was a little creepy. The next morning I was told I was a keeper, I had the opportunity to live in the mansion for at least 6 months. HELL TO THE YA. But then where would my son go? UHHH no the other girls aren't watching him. I mean I am sure he would just love that, but no. It is now Friday Afternoon and I have 2 hours to find sexy dresses, figure out where my son is going and get back to the mansion.....

all of a sudden I here a phone ringing. Seriously isn't there staff for this, can someone pick up the damn phone. And who keeps breathing in my face????

ant, ant, ant, ant.........yeah you guessed it. It was my damn phone and a certain little stalker kitty who had decided to wake me up by suffocating me. 

Let me just tell you, it was fun for a night but I wouldn't want to live there!!

Side Note: I did ask if I had to have sex with Hef and I was told no, I just have to call him Daddy! WEIRD!

Goldfish, Not Vodka, will be the death of me!

Sometimes I wish it was easy to update on blogger as it is my phone. Or for that matter that facebook would just automatically link in. UGH.

My weekend was great, fun, aggravating and beyond annoying, all in one. So here are my updates!

- Weight loss is going well. I have lost 2.5 pounds in 5 days and I have to admit I cheated half those days. I hope this week goes a little better. I have to lose 11 by October 23!

- The 100 calorie packs in my life are killing me. I am not a carb freak but one of the hardest parts of dieting for me is the loss of the "crispy crunchy" a cracker, a chip, or god forbid a "goldfish". What's been saving me is the 100 calorie goldfish and cheese nip packs. I haven't broke down and had 2 in a day yet, but I just feel its coming. Thank you Pepperidge Farm!

-My boys won (hook em') and I spent good times with my friends. I work from home so my interaction with adults is limited at times. It feels good to get out and have adult talk, wow that kindof sounded dirty!

-Saturday I went to a very interesting place. Its called Ghost Town and you guessed it thats what it is. An older man named George has been building it for 10 years, and its his passion. It has an outside movie theater, a beautiful stage and countless buildings he built with his own hands. The stage is intimate and is surrounded by star lights hanging down, fairy lights (ie christmas white lights) and colored lights as well. A cute boy got up there and sang, I was enamored. I just haven't decided if it was the lights or the mystery boy, lol. Add that in with the best burger and fries I have ever had in my life and well ya good times. This place is set in a place that you would never know it was there. I am glad I got the memo.

-At times I wish this blog was still small. I always said that I would never filter myself on here. Yet right now that is exactly what I find myself doing at times. I have even began to make my facebook list smaller, the ones who get my blog. I think we can all look at ourselves and find things to better in our lives. I am taking a hard look at my life and working on a few of those everyday. I am also working on keeping my mouth shut in situations where my words will make no difference. A lot of times we have expectations of how things are going to go, this always sets us up for trouble. I think having an expectation of a conversation is even worse. Because then it doesnt even matter what the other party has to say, you or they have already formed opinions.. And when the conversation is coming from people you love its best to look at their motive and not their words. I looked at the motive and am trying very hard not to let the words bother me. Over the years I have become a very judgemental person. It started out that I just had a strong opinion and now that opinion has turned into judgements. From all of this I take a little and I leave a little, and I walk away with a true feeling of what it feels like to be judged. Next time I will try a little harder not too. I am in a very good place right now and I thank god for that.

Other then that, I am leaving in 3 days and I can't wait. I am getting the hell out of here. I am 35 and I haven't spent a weekend with my whole family in years. Most of us will be there. My son gets to enjoy the coast like I did as a kid. There will be fishing, laughing, giggling, cooking and drinking. And I get all aunts and uncles in one place. Well all but one.... UNCLE JOE, I love you and you will be missed. So cross your fingers that the days go by FAST!

thats all folks.

Tin Truths 34

1. I have considered throwing both my cats out the door today!

2. I am missing a friend even though she did me wrong.

3. I have been having weird dreams about pudding pops.

4. I need a new toy. 

5. I have 17 bottles of Mr. Bubble on my counter.

6. I hope she's ugly.

7. I am getting rid of everything.

8. My comeback is going to be big.

9. Its so freaking cold right now my nipples hurt.

10. I CANT WAIT TO MOVE!!!!!

Side Note: I am not suzy freaking homemaker, so....if anyone knows how to make good homeade pudding pops help a girl out. 

Side Note 2: Shame on you for even thinking that fat girl comment. They make Sugar Free Pudding you know!

Just a Fatty!

Here we go again! If you want to follow my fat ass to skinnyness you can click the link below!

just my road to skinnyness!

Side Note: Is it weird that I love my title!!!!!! love myself, even fat I love myself!!

Ups and Downs and Downs and Ups

Hi Yall". 

Let's see what's new. 

Well I am a still just a single, fat girl, who's attempting to make some major changes before I turn the big 36. The last few months have been awful. I think sometimes life takes its turns for better or worse and all we can do is go along for the ride. That has been a hard thing for me to understand. I am the one that says "it's just not fair" and "why me" and "what are we even doing in this life". Today is one of those days where I feel like the fog is starting to clear and I am looking forward to some up's for awhile.

As most of you know I started this blog a year ago as I was going through a break-up. Wooo what a road that was! So here are some updates on  my life, and from here I can go back to my sweet, smart ass, self.

God- Yep I am pulling out the big guns. God and I have had some trouble over the past few years. I guess maybe you could say we have been in a little fight. I am opening my eyes back up to "faith" and we are slowly starting to have our talks again.

The X- Believe it or not we are now friends. Something we probably should have started out doing to begin with. He is the first X I have kept in contact with and I have to say I am glad we remain in each others life. Feels good to start to feel normal again. He has made me an offer I can't refuse and more of that will come later.

Housing- I am moving out my 3 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom apartment in less then a month. I am very  happy to get into less house. No yard to mow, no sink to fix. Its TIME!

Me- Well I am still living in single land. I attempted to go on a few dating sites but never posted a full profile. I am open to dating but its not high on my priority list. I love happy hour, and no I am not an alcoholic. Just a social butterfly who enjoys a martini in hand, lol.

Weight- I am still a skinny girl living in a fat girls body. I am starting a new blog to follow me down my road to skinnyness. I will post that link later and you guys can watch me succeed or fail. Either way it will be interesting and in true Jag fashion. 

Well that's it for now. I will be around more. miss ya guys and glad to be back.

Side Note: Reading blogs has been low on my list. So I have allot of catching up to do. Tell me the biggest thing that has happened to you in the past 90 days. Good or Bad, I can take it!!!!!

I refuse to apologize everytime I leave.....

it"s just me, take me or leave me. When life becomes too much, I simply put the covers over my head. Not the healthiest solution but better then dragging everyone around you down with your eyeore days.

Sometimes you just have to hug yourself. Not its not deep thoughts by jag, I mean seriously lay in your bed in the morning. Wrap both your arms around you and hug yourself, it feels really great. Now if I could just have sex with myself, I would be good to go. Oh yeah, I can have sex with myself. Oh how i crack myself up.

Today is day one of day two. I am jumping back in feet first and we will see how this round goes. I am getting some pink speakers today...........but pretty sure I am returning them. Although I want them sooooo bad, that is a post within itself. I am counting the days down to Saturday, thank god for longhorn football. Beyond that nothing but a big dark hole and as you can see I am inching my way out.

Side Note- Aren't the speakers beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tin Truths 33

1. My kitty's got worms and it was nasty!

2. Football practice starts in a few days, I can't wait!

3. Grass isn't greener some have to learn the hard way!

4. LOVE being BS'd NOT!

5. Match is way better then Yahoo personals.

6. Sex is within days, I can feel it.

7. I want a garden tomato, I want it.

8. I have to remember that I can't drink sake w/sushi.

9. Monday is going to be interesting.

10. I dont have a 10, I cant believe it.

Major Monday.

Major changes my friends. Major changes. 

This weekend I spent time with family and had a great time. Last year I wasn't much of a pool rat but this year its all I want to do. I am going to have to find a new pool that I love. My pool just sucks. 

I am excited for today for many reasons. Its time for me to pull my head out of my ass and get with the program. Not only from a business standpoint but from a personal standpoint as well. I am going to take an internal jag roll call and start wiping people and things off my list. I am going to put my plan on here so I hold myself accountable. 

Weight- As of today I weigh 164 pounds. The frustrating thing about me is that for whatever reason I "wear" my weight well. No one ever believes me. But yes I am a fat fuck and I have put it out there for all to see. I have planned my meals out for the entire week and am committed to working out 6 out of 7 days a week. Today I will be walking 4 miles, and doing 100 crunches. Oh and for the record my last supper was Chicken Fried Steak, Fried Okra, Buttered Sweet Carrots and Sweet Tea. Ya I am in TEXAS! today its fiber cereal and grilled chicken, yum.

Business- I have gone back to square one and am taking inventory of all my accounts. Its time to wake up and go back to making things happen.

Personal- I am up on two dating sites and in a few weeks I will make the jump to go on my first date. I dont want a relationship but I do want to meet new people. I am also going to be making a pact with myself to stop reaching out to people who don't reach back or give nothing back in return. Too many people in my life just take me for granted and I am over it. I am here and they should be lucky to have me in there lives if they cant see it, it WILL be there loss.

Family- I am going to make more time with my family. Even if it just means spending a few hours at the pool or having lunch. In two weeks a bunch of us are going to see "Music Man" and I can't wait. It feels amazing to be around people who love you, who understand you and who make an effort to be in your life. 

Other then that pretty much status quo. I have been irritated for a couple of days and I think its just because a lot has gone on in my life over the past few weeks. I have been giving myself unrealistic expectations for not only myself but for people around me. I have to start living for me and fuck everyone else. I have to step forward and stop taking so many steps back. Anywho I will keep you all updated on my amazing progress, because yes it will be amazing.

In closing- I would like for you give me some advice. Tell me one thing that you do for YOU, or one thing that you have in  your life that is no one else's. 

Tin Truths Thirty Two

1. My kittens sound like ewoks, for some reason they can't meow!

2. I am finally tan, YES!

3. I am now on two dating sites, this should give me lots of material.

4. Today my job gave me a great jump start.

5. Right now I am loving cherry vanilla ice cream by blue bell.

6. I really hate being the one that gets the brunt of it.

7. Today I will find time to get wet!

8. I read the Big Brother live feed updates, daily.

9. My grass is dead.

10. I have started the process of putting my 1 yr blog into a book!

And I missed my own Birthday.....Nice.

Yeah so I am a lazy ass! What can I say. As of Saturday, Last Saturday....I have been blogging for a year. I want to thank the academy, my readers, my followers, my friends and my family. This was something that I wanted to do for a very long time. I read my first post, and I am proud as to how far I have come. When I read back to the beginning I realize that things do get better and we do get stronger. I have made life long friends because of this blog and I have given myself an outlet to say whatever I want, whenever I want. Thanks for being here to share this with me. I am excited to see what my next year brings.

Do with it what you want!

The next however many paragraphs will be beyond a rant and rave. So read it or come back tomorrow.

An Open Letter to Kenneth D. Lewis CEO of Bank of America-

I am not sure what happened to the day and age of customers being important or for that matter your desire to keep your customers. It seems that in this type of economy you would want to keep each and every customer that you currently have. Are you in a position that Bank of America is making so much money that you can afford to lose a few customers here and there? Actually based on your questionable business practices I will assume the answer to that is yes.

I will tell you my story and what you choose to do with it is up to you. I however have the right to let the public know, exactly how Bank of America treats their customers.

I currently bank with your Georgetown, TX  location. Towards the end of June, I went into the negative in my account and was charged 7 overdraft fees. I was also charged an additional $35 for what was called "Extended Overdrawn Balance Charge". This wasn't the first time in my life that I have had overdraft fees. However, I was shocked to find that on top of the 7 fees I got the extended one as well. I didn't complain when this happened I paid the $280 dollars and realized lessons learned. I won't get into all the exacts about how, when or why I had overages, but the two weeks before that, other things were more important then following this as close as I should have. 

Fast forward to 15 days later and here entails the problem. In a down economy like this one I am sure I don't have to tell you that $280 out of someones pocket that wasn't budgeted, is a big deal. Or actually maybe I do have to tell you. Maybe you make so much money that you forget about the little people. Maybe you forget that sometimes life happens and some things are out of our control. 

On July 14th I realize that my account was in the negative by $47. In reality it was only in the negative for $29.50 because there was a charge for $17.50 that was in pending that was never going to clear. Regardless that morning of the 14th I deposited $60 dollars in my account. More then enough to cover what was over. This morning I wake up and find that I have 8 overdraft charges. Another $280 dollars!!!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!!!!!!! I start to scrub through my account and I realize that you paid the highest withdraws first. You chose to pay the highest charge first even though it was days after the smaller charges. Had you of paid them in order I would of had 1 overdraft with you at best. Not to mention the fact that I put a deposit in immediately to cover the charges. So instead you pay the high ones and let charges of $13/$10/$7/$6/$3/$3/$2 get hit with overdraft charges. This is beyond ridiculous.

As soon as I saw the charges in my account this morning I called Bank of America customer service. The gentleman that I spoke to was VERY cordial and got me to a supervisor named "Lydia". I explained to "Lydia" my situation. I told her all the above that Bank of America had gotten a total of $560 dollars out of me for the past two weeks and asked her to look at my account a little closer. I expressed to her that I didn't expect my charges to be taken off every time but this time I felt I was in the right and I wanted them removed. She took about half a second to say NO and tell me that $78 was all that she was WILLING to remove. At this point I was in tears and asked to speak with her manager, she informed that I couldn't speak to her and that she would take my number and have someone call me back in 48 hours. I explained to her that I had made a deposit within 4 hours of noticing anything wrong with my account and that Bank of America wasted no time in charging the fees and that I wanted to speak with someone now. She again said no one was available but her, she said this over and over and then HUNG up the phone. 

Immediately I drove to my local branch. The gentleman that I sat with was very nice although he said he couldn't do anything without the managers approval. I explained my situation and told him that I was ready to cancel my account. That I wanted all 8 fees removed and that I was ready to go as high up as needed. He logged into my account and saw that the lady that hung up on me had credited me $78 dollars and then locked my account so that no further fees could be deducted. He said the only thing we could do is look at the fees before and talk to the manager, she put back in my account $122 dollars. So in all I was credited $200 back in my account. He told me that this was more then most people get back and that I should be happy. That fighting it wouldn't be smart. I was told that I could go up as high as I wanted but from his experience it would do no good. I left came home and this is where I sit, wondering what in the world happened to customer service. What happened to morals or sometimes people doing whats right even if its not written in the handbook. 

I am beyond mad and you will lose a customer over this. What sense does it make to "tell" your customers that the highest charge is paid first because "you" assume its priority. When in reality all the charges get paid. You simply pick and choose which ones you "LIST" as paid first. In my situation had you of paid it correctly as it came in or for that matter took two seconds to look at my account, I never would have been charged that many overages. It makes me sick to  think how much money your company makes a week buy using these practices. I can understand if you weren't going to pay the small charges. But you were going to pay them how else could you collect your fee. I wont reduce myself to making idle threats about telling everyone I know to choose another bank. I will however put my words out there on every blog, feed, twitter and send this to anyone else that will listen. I will let people make there own judgement about your practices. 

Anyone other then a robot should have been able to look at my account as a person and realize that what I was saying was correct. They could see the deposit I made and everything after, instead I was made to feel like an idiot customer that didn't matter. I don't claim to be the perfect banking customer. Have I had overdrafts in my life, yes. Haven't we all? Do I call and complain every time I get a charge, NO. Should I have been treated better, YES. Someone please tell me why I should ALLOW Bank of America to be my bank. Is your ego so large that you don't realize that you need us just as much as we need you. So yes my complaint is over $80  but at this point its not even about the $80 its about a company that doesn't care about the little people. And that is just sad!

Your Former Customer.

NTR #69

Yeah so I couldn't resist, so what! 

My mind is full of beyond randomness this week.

-3 little girls were swimming in the pool last week. 2 were about 6 and they were whispering about the rules of being a mermaid. ie. never let them see your tail. It was too cute but the best part was when the little 3 year old kept saying what because she couldn't hear them. Finally she just says "hey mermaids, sometimes I pee in the pool." laughed my ass off.

-still at 0. However now I have a plan!

-I am somewhat starting to get tan. I could live in the water.

-Going to a Pimp's and Ho's party this weekend. This should be interesting!

jag out!

I Love #12

Just in time for summer. This spray oil is awesome. It has an SPF of 12 and it comes in higher SPF's as well. My cousin turned me on to this and I love it. I think the spray sunscreen is one of my favorite technologies. So of course oil was coming next. Yes it smells amazing, Yes it comes out in a continuous spray, Yes I love it.

Tanning Dry Oil w/SPF 12, by Hawaiian Tropic ($6.99)

So, two girls walk in a bar....

young, cute, fun, amazing, beautiful, smart, awesome, well you get the picture. We go to the bar order a drink and start to talk about god. I don't know why I am giggling right now as I write this but I just find that funny as shit, and its the truth. Anyhow across the way is stalky, stalkerten. You know the guy that is at the bar hugging it already when you walk in. Freakboy starts asking me questions and trust me I am being VERY nice! I answer them and smile or I should say I answer them and SUCK down my jim and coke. After awhile I am seriously over saying what, what, what did you say. Hey fatboy why don't you come over here so I can hear wtf you are saying. Okay, no I didn't say fatboy and yes i am a fatgirl so I will say fatboy whenever the hell I want. I am already irritated when he comes over because apparently not only is he a fat, freakboy, stalker he is also deaf and he cant retain information! ughh! He comes over and tells us that he had been there since 4! Ding, Ding, Ding, that explains it all bud. The next question that came out of his mouth will be with me forever. " So were you guys alive when Elvis died?" WTF, WtF, WTH, seriously. Alive when Elvis died?!? The point is, this guy is out there! That was definitely a first.

So, two girls are still sitting at the bar. And for the record, this is the best part. behind the bar a new bartender is being trained. Already I am particularly not impressed. Partly because I am bitch and partly because I like my usual bartenders. Behind us walks up Mr. nice guy when he is sober, fun guy when he is buzzed and an obscene monster when he is drunk. At the moment he is fun buzzed guy. He then says to me a line that cracked me up. I felt like for one second I was living in a man's brain, and I LIKED it!! He says: "Damn the new girl is already dressing like it's rent week." I laughed my ass off. I had never heard that before but he assured me it was all too true. So tacky yet so great.  Anywho that's all folks!

Tin Truths 31

1. Last night I had sex with a vampire. (dreams count!!!)

2. Forbidden jungle might be my new favorite drink.

3. I can read over 800 wpm, yes I am awesome!

4. I decided to let god back in my life, not as deep as it sounds.

5. I still need SEX!

6. Forgive me lord, for I am going to sin!

7. I think one spoon of ice cream is enough!

8. I wish I could live on cereal and not get fat.

9. I saw the face of a 1 night stand from 7 yrs ago last night, uhh!

10. I wish I had 50 of the "The Shack" books, I want to give one to everybody.

Caitism's #2

" is wondering why boys complain about girls taking forever when they actually exist within their own alternate version of time. "

Wrap it UP!

• The Friday before the 4th was awesome, spent time with my favorite girls. A mini ya-ya of sorts.
• I am committed to working out and so far have only missed one day. Does it matter that I have only been working out for 2? NO!
• I read the "The Shack" I won't say that it was life changing, but it was life changing. More about this subject to come.
• Vibrators and Teenagers very FUNNY what kids think when they find them!
• I realized I am a speed reader I read the Twilight series in days. Those books could of been half the size!
• Life is good!!!!!!! My blog birthday is coming up and I can't wait.

jag out.........

Side Note: You can get the shirt here.

Caitism's #1

This series hopefully will be here to stay. I have a cousin who is a little younger then me, okay maybe a lot younger!!! But her mind works in a beautiful way. She says the simplest things yet sometimes her thoughts are so profound. I didn't think it was fair that only I got to enjoy these Caitism's! So for the next few weeks enjoy!

" The first bite of watermelon is the first real sign that summer has started. 

The first stomach ache from eating too much watermelon is the first 

real sign that you have eaten too much watermelon! "

by, da cuz

I wanna know!!!

Do you like to smell your own farts? be honest!!!!!!!

What is your one indulgence?

Do you think big ass roaches are afraid of the light?

What uses more energy your ac or 500 fans plugged into your outlets?

Midgets, Roaches and Roping PART 2.

OMG! Too freaking much. So remember how I just said that I won't step foot in the living room. Well when I finished my post right now, I got up to go get my shoes out of the roach room. When I walked in I had to crack up. I wondered why for the past hour there has been no sign of my two little kitty cats. Apparently I am not the only one in the house SCARED of human eating roaches. Apparently these roaches not only terrorize humans but they EAT kittens. My son took the two kittens, their food, water, cat box and toys all with him in his room to sleep last night. Too damn funny. 

And here this whole time I was PRAYING that the kittens ate the damn thing. Shit, we are at square one.

Side Note: Not to mention the fact that I think my son said last night that the thing crawled over him. CRAWLED over him. Somebody get me out of here!

Midgets, Roping and Roaches!

I can already tell that today is going to be one of "those" days. I woke up this morning and literally had to just lay there a  minute and slowly take in what happened last night. First of all at some point I had multiple conversations with a 14 year old about a roach in the living room. Conversations that included me telling my son to shut my door and stick a towel under it. If you never knew before that I am a heavy sleeper this should be my tell. I am TERRIFIED of roaches and yes I am assuming this freaking thing was a tree roach. SO for me to have to just gone to sleep means I was tired. Because right now its taking everything in me not to go in there and wake him up to get the exact details. Had I of been awake we wouldn't of slept till my son had that thing out of the house. I won't step in the living room and I am in my office with my feet in my chair right now and I won't let my blanket touch the ground.  THIS SUCKS!

As I am laying in my bed getting through the roach fog, I realize I have midget roping fog that I need to think about next. Yes you heard me midget roping. I have this crazy ass dream that my X and I and a few other couples are all at the park. For some reason he takes off his shirt and decides he wants to play soccer. So he runs off far ahead of me. When we finally get up to him he is a midget and every time he catches the ball this fat "carnie" ropes him like a damn pony and brings him back to this shade tree so he can throw the ball. In my dream this only happens once and I am shocked that my X didn't get mad. This was beyond bizarre and I don't even want to know what this one means.

Side Note: Please no offense to the little people, but I couldn't exactly keep writing little people over and over now could I. HA cracking myself up, but seriously no offense.

Side Note 2: Uhhh ya I guess you don't rope pony's you rope calf, sorry! Oh and get it.......ping bug, lmao!

Tin Truths 30

1. Tarantulas give me the heebeegeebees, bigtime!

2. I think it's 110 today........my point, its freaking hot!

3. Chocolate Lucky Charms at midnight are sooooo good.

4. They are even better after Popeye visits.

5. I still love my kitties!

6. I wanna touch myself, sorry couldn't resist. and by the way who doesn't?

7. Tomorrow will be Aderall day.

8. I think I could live on cereal.

9. I don't generally drink beer, but today I am craving it. Dos Equis!

10. Its going to be a long summer, I really hope its a good one!

JFC #6

Click here for a larger view!

UHHHH, What the hell is in my bubble bath.

I am addicted to baths, big time. The other night I got in my bathtub and was admiring everything around me. My pink candles, the warm water, the beautiful new bottle I got to hold my Mr. bubble and then..................WTF is in my freaking bubble bath!!!! Is that a BUG!!!!!!! Damn mosquito got in my bottle. NoW, if I was a normal person, I would just move on with my day with no thought to this BUG. However, I am not a normal person. All I kept thinking about was all the virus's those nasty ass things carry.  I had a talk with my inner paranoid self and we decided as a team that I had to throw out the bubble bath. We couldn't take the chance of infecting our bath water with WEST NILE. Yes, welcome to my world.

The week ended way better then expected. I am very happy for life to be back to normal so to speak. I am thinking about changing my blog "look". If you know of anyone that does this let me know. I want something simple!!!!!!! 

Now...Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me. Lets talk about...........well you get the picture. I do this "sing song" thing as my cousin calls it. When I want to get off the phone with someone I start to sing song my words. Never noticed it till she pointed it out about 2 years ago. Luckily, I don't have those tells in poker. Not even sure why I just told you that! My point is that I have been walking around for the past two days signing song verses. I guess I am in a good mood. What I can't understand is why the verse I have been saying over and over is "bitch better have my money". I love the dirty lyrics in rap songs. Something so taboo about saying "you can lick my lollipop". AND I wonder why my kid laughs at "Bangkok".

Well that's all folks!!!!!!!!!

Side Note: If there is a song verse you sing that is dirty and sticks in your head at the weirdest times, tell me about it. Happy Friday!

Best Blonde Joke Ever!!!!!!!!!

A friend of mine sent this to me and I love it, love it, love it!

Q: How do you get a Blonde to break her nose?

A: Put a dick under a glass table!!

And I lost a reader!!!!

Sorry I must be boring someone with my posts. Good news I am getting the kitty!!!!!! My X was here in December when Blackie died. It was heartbreaking for us both. Today I was very excited to get an email from him telling me that he was getting the kitty for me. So ya, the orange one will be mine in the morning and I named her Cheeto!

I don't know how many of you have seen this already but when I read it I had to share. Its written by a woman named Regina Brett who is a columnist.

NOW.......I WANT EVERYONE TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME........even you lurkers. I want to know that you are out there and I want some damn comments. So take 2 minutes and PReTTY please tell me what number is your favorite!!!!!!!

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Side Note: Just DO IT already!

Side Note 2: Yes, I have the shoes!

I want the kitties.......I WANT THEM!!!!

My beloved Blackie has been gone since December. It has been awful and it has taken me a long time to decide if I wanted another cat. I was convinced I was going to be a turtle mommy, but as you all know that shit didn't work out. Today I decided to go craigslist surfing and I found this little girl(the orange one). I instantly fell in love with her and named her cheeto. Tomorrow I will find it if she is mine. AND then.............10 minutes later I found out she has a brother. My son is begging me to get them both. I have always wanted persian kittens, did i say ALWAYS! So here it is the first glance at my "maybe" new pets. I just really hope this lady comes wayyyyy down on the price so that I can get them both. 

cross your fingers kids! this is exactly what I need!

Side Note: and yes I totally feel like the girl in the willy wonka who says. I want a golden ticket daddy, I want it.

WTF? Volume 8 Edition 6

To say that I am weird about food is an understatement. I have so many crazy ass rules when it comes to food that sometimes I shake my head at myself. But what I saw the other day was not only mind blowing it was down right disgusting.  

So lets talk about milk. My milk rule is that I don't drink milk past 2 days before the sell by date. I don't like to drink milk when its hot outside and I don't like drinking milk out of small plastic containers from the convenience store.

A few weeks ago I went to Sonic and ordered a milk, only because of an upset stomach. When I got the milk I checked the date like I always do. Mind you the day I was getting the milk it was like June 3. The drink by date on the milk was AUGUST 3!!!!!! WTF??? 60 days... the milk is good for 60 days are you freaking kidding me. I asked the lady how is that even possible and she looked confused as to what the problem was. I looked on the front label and it said ULTRA- Pasteurized. UHHHH Ya I guess so. 

And NO, I didn't drink the milk. Does anyone else think that's nuts??? Cleverly... Wacky is on the front of it, which is my mind is an understatement!

Side Note: Ground breaking post, huh...not!

Side Note 2: I had to spell check convenience, 3 times. That is a long ass word!

Just............The longest week of my life.

It started Sunday night. My son called me in tears from his friends house, complaining of a major headache. At the time I thought it was "just" a migraine. I found out real quick at the doctor on Monday, that it was way more serious. He went straight to the hospital where they found out that he had meningitis. He was in the hospital for a week and luckily it was viral. It's strange how one thing can domino into so many emotions and different events. I have to tell you that I now have way more respect for those parents who deal with special needs children. For 6 of the past 7 days my son needed me 22 hours a day. When it was all said and done, I was proud of myself for getting through it. Here are ten things about last week. Look for lots more this week as I suddenly have a ton of material.

1. Dell Children's hospital is amazing. What a difference a hospital that caters to children makes!!

2. My family constantly amazes me. When I need them the most they are there, and I never have to ask!

3. I always know that I love my son. But this week I realized more then ever, that you have to cherish every moment. Good..Bad..Indifferent.

4. Hospital food really SUCKS. But I never get tired of drinking milk out of those tiny cartons.

5. Everything happens for a reason. I think I have this one figured out.

6. I am feeling very overwhelmed with my life right now, and I am questioning everything!

7. In times like these, you find out who your true friends are.

8. I can no longer handle people in my life who lie.

9. I learned Bunco, I loved Bunco and I hated Bunco. All in a 24 hour period.

10. I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Side Note: I know all will be better soon. Right now it just feels like more then I can handle.

JFC #5

Joe Vanilla by Mark Litzler

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JFC #4

In The Bleachers by Steve Moore

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Does anyone know the number........For

BPS!!!!!!

That would be Bird Protective Services. What is the deal????? First I wake up this morning to a chirp factory in my back yard. I handled it and even appreciated the chirping for a few minutes. But now its 2:45 pm and the mommy bird is freaking MIA. And these fuckers wont shut up. 

So it got me to wondering, what do mommy birds do all day. They feed their children and then they get the hell out for the day. Smart birds but not very fun for me, the new babysitter!!!!!!

Too FUNNY!

The New F***ing Citibank - watch more funny videos

Tin Truths 29

1. I am now the mom of a High Schooler!

2. I finally learned how to make my Aunt's, Macaroni and Tomatoes.

3. I quickly became addicted to " I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here".

4. I am starting to wonder who my true friends are.

5. People from my past are coming out of the wood work.

6. I am on the hunt for a tree for my back yard, suggestions???

7. On #6, no oak=no roaches, right?

8. Crawfish season is almost over, so sad.

9. I think no is the new yes.

10. I think I want to learn how to skateboard.

Side Note: Okay, maybe I only want a pink skateboard!

They're BACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most of you know that I am total dork. I do some of the dorkiest things, wait is dorkiest a word? (screw it, now it is). So last night I got to HEB to get just a few groceries and it felt a little twilight zony. But those stories will have to come last. Right now we have to talk about the main attraction.

MY MOTHERS CIRCUS ANIMAL COOKIES, are back.

I couldn't freaking believe it. There I am minding my own business when bamm, I run smack dab into an end cap that has all the bags. I felt like a kid seeing Santa for the first time. I stopped I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Then I stood there in awe  and said STFU! So ya that didn't last long. My original post was 10/22, so it didn't even take a year.

On the other stuff, I think the grocery store is usally a miserable place to be. When I go I try to get in and out, with as little contact with anyone as possible. This time was different. I went in a good mood I felt like my eyes were wired wide open. That being said there are some FREAKS at the grocery store. It wasn't as bad as walmart. But definitely a place where you could throw around a thousand stereo types. The one that stuck out the most was the bitch mom, her 5 year old husband and the two little fat kids dumb and dumber. At first I felt bad for the lady the 2 boys were running around and of course dad was egging them on. In the cheese isle even I was annoyed, somebody control these fucking heathens. But by the time I got to the meat isle it had turned cute. Those brats didn't want to be at the store and either did the dad. They were all trying to  make the best of it. This mom was MEAN! And although I am sure it was the situation....I had to ask myself. WHY, would you want to take any of them to the store to do a weeks worth of shopping? In my opinion she asked for it.

Side Note: RPM and Ken, you guys rock! Friends don't let Friends go without cookies! Thanks again for my circus cookies, one of the coolest things ever I have gotten in the mail! 

JFC #3

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JFC #2

For Better or For Worse

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I love #11

A few months ago I read about this product on someone's blog. I forgot who's so if it was your blog, leave me a comment and I will link. When I first read the post I wasn't so sure. I am a bit of a product snob and in the past I haven't been very impressed by any of Neutrogena's products. However, after reading the comments I decided to give it a try. Oddly enough this was because of all the comments saying that this product tingled and burned a bit. No pain, no gain. I am happy to report that I am on day 4 and this product will give you results. My face not only looks clearer but it has a healthy glow as well. I get recurring breakouts on the right side of my chin from my phone. NOTHING, has helped with these breakouts until now. This stuff gets 5 stars!

14 Day Skin Rescure, by Neutrogena ($23.99)

Just Drink The Koolaid and STFU!

Whoa........easy now tiger. As my son used to say when he was little, "mom, take a calm down, take a chill out". 

It's Friday bitches and I am in rare form. It's a beautiful day in  my neighborhood and I can't wait to get this weekend started. But before we do that I have to talk with a few of you about "FB".

Yep, Facebook. 

Last July I was at a family picnic/reunion, when one of my cousins told me about fb. When I first heard about it I thought it was going to be like myspace, soooo not like myspace. Bottom line if you haven't signed up you really should, its a great way to keep up with people, without really keeping up.

Now for the good stuff. For those of you who already have fb and have a blackberry, I am about to get completely geeked out on you. Most of you probably have an application on your blackberry already. However, they just came out with a new app. This one pulls in the pictures, phone numbers and blackberry contact info. Its super cool, check it out. 

Have a great memorial day weekend! Drink lots of beer and have lots of sex! Two things I have had very little of lately!

Tin Truths 28

1. Mango Limeade at Sonic Rocks!

2. Facebook continues to amaze me.

3. I love Spencer Pratt.

4. I still don't know what's happening with my body.

5. I saw "the burbs" for the first time, funny as hell.

6. My son calls me "wiki", and yes its cause of wikipedia.

7. I love swimming, hopefully I start dropping the pounds.

8. I have been wondering lately, when did gobstoppers get so small.

9. For my birthday one friend gave me cupcakes and a scale. hmmmm

10. Favorite Quote this week.."pics or it didn't happen".

Side Note: Yes, the mower is pink! If I had that I would mow daily! 

Halfway to 70!

They say it's my birthday, duh na nah nah na. You probably all want to ask me the same question. How does it feel to be Halfway to 70? No different. I still feel old!

 I have always loved birthdays but as you get older they become not a big deal. I have never been married so it's the one day where I get to feel special ever year. Yes, it's all about me. This year I got some pretty special things from my mom/son and had to share!

1. I got a peace sign on a chain and a wine bottle charm. Both are from James Avery and they are super cute. thanks guys.

2. The picture you see above of the dragonfly's was painted by my mom. She has such an amazing talent. She has only been doing watercolor's for about 6 months and her talent is clear as day. She has done quite a few paintings that are gallery ready! Anywho my beautiful painting sits in my office now and I LOVE IT!

3. The coolest gift out of all of them was the book that you see above. It's the complete tales of Beatrix Potter in the original order and exactly how they were sent to be printed. Before each story, there is a story about the story. Also the book has 4 stories never published..........Last Year I saw Miss Potter the movie for the first time and I fell in love with it. I am a big happy ever ending kind of girl and this book fit that in every way. The first time I watched the movie I watched it 3 times in a row. It is the ONLY movie out there that I can watch over and over. A few months after, my mom watched it and she loved it. Its set in the early 1900"s and its based on the true story of Beatrix Potter. I hate to sound gay here, but what an inspiration to us all. This gift was beyond thoughtful! I have read it every night, and for the past few days it has slept with me. Yes I am a dork.

Overall 34 was interesting. Definitely allot of lessons learned. 35 is going to be about me. I am going to be selfish the entire year, I think I earned it. It's funny what age does to us, yes it just another year, and yes its just 35, and I am sure some of you think that is very young. But its still getting older no matter how you look at it. I look forward to getting myself in shape and finishing my 35 before 35.

Happy Birthday, Jag! You freaking made it to 35 aka "halfway to 70".

Side Note: As I was writing this my Mom showed up with a beautiful bouquet of pink gerber daisy's and a beautiful card. What a great day it has been so far!

I Wonder Wednesday 2?

Can water heaters blow up?

Do lizards eat spiders?

Do you ever sit around and think about dumb ass shit for no reason at all?

What do you want to know?