8.31.2008

Welcome to my life 2


I wonder how different my blog would be if I wasn't a mother. I also wonder if my son ever reads my blog, if he will ever talk to me again.

Since he was little he has had what I like to call "restroom ocd". I believe bathroom habits in men start when the sperm is traveling to the egg (aka, its the man's fault). Whenever he goes to the bathroom (use your imagination) (not masturbation folks) he immediately takes a bath or shower after. I have always found this odd but in order not to take away his man card, I have refrained from asking why. Over the years for some strange reason his toilet constantly gets clogged. Me being the great mother I am, have repeatedly told him to use less freaking TP!

A few days ago the toilet clogs again. I graciously tell him he can use mine, but that he needs to ease up on the TP. I explain to him what the proper amount of TP should be, for an average bathroom session. Here is what came next..............

Me: Son, I think you might be using too much TP.
Tween: WOW
Me: It's not a big deal, I probably didn't show you the proper TP usage as a child.
Tween: WOW
Me: This is an example of a good amount of TP for an average bathroom session.
Tween: WOW, mom you don't understand.
Me: I understand that you are using too much damn toilet paper.
Tween: Mom, you are a girl and I am a guy.
Me: LMFAO, what does that have to do with anything.
Tween: wow, roll eyes, look at me like I am a freaking idiot, then says MOM, girls don't have hair on their butt and I am sorry, but if you think I am going to be one of those skid mark kids, I am telling you right now that is just sick and its not happening.
Me: WOW


What do you say to that, I was laughing so hard that he actually got mad at me and refused to use my bathroom. So their you go, my life would be nothing without these daily occurrences.

19 comments:

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

LOLOL
I have girls....didn't know there was a hairy butt problem with guys. Thanks for the laugh!

Leslie said...

Too funny. Give him some baby wipes. They are used on babies...why stop?

Ken said...

OK you have out done your self this time! ROTFLMAOCMEOPMP (go ahead and try to figure this one out).

But you even had my no laugh room mate's eye watering over this one!

P.S. Have him use less at a time, but do 2 to 3 wipes and flush in between.
i can't believe you couldn't figure that out! lol

Orion said...

ME: WOW!

Dan da Man said...

You better hope he doesnt read your blog

RPM said...

Heh, see if this might help.

http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/

for a different kind of girl said...

WOW, indeed! I'll file this info away so I just 'get it' when my two presently hairless butted boys continue to use half a roll of TP like they do now!

ToughGirl101 said...

TELL IT LIKE IT IS TWEEN! Lol oh that is just pure genius.

Moe Wanchuk said...

my 8 year old daughter asked me today

"Dad, have u ever had to go to the doctor, for a 4 hour erection?"

response: No honey, your mom knows how to fix that.

NucMEd is Hot said...

Two words... flushable wipes. Children are so very wonderful.

weesle909 said...

Moe,

Awesome.

Heather said...

If they do it now, they'll never stop. I fight with my husband all.the.time. because he can use a double roll in ONE day.

Lex the mom said...

Hey there!

It's been 2 weeks, but you left a comment on my blog. Sometimes I forget to check for comments on that one - I'm thinking I need to have them sent to my email, no? Sorry about that!

Drop me one - indelibleexpressions@gmail.com

On your post - I have a 13 going on 14 year old boy & he has the same issue. I know his isn't tp, though (we use the flushable wipes here). It's the sheer size of the turds. Okay, graphic enough? How do I know, you ask? Well, let's say I've stumbled upon a flushed but after clogged toilet - several times. It is so gross & drives me nuts!

I can relate and it is too funny. If he reads your blog he'll probably never speak to you again. Like if mine read this comment. He'd be sooo embarrassed.

RAT GiRL! said...

Giggle is a tart over at my place!
Ya might wanna bring a bucket because you'll probably puke!!!

just a girl... said...

lynn- you are so welcome

leslie- I am all over baby wipes, but trying to explain that to a 13 year old is a whole nother post.

ken- please tell your roommate to take one dose of jag daily either that or pull out the stick. lol

orion- thanks for that, freaking funny

dan- my mom and I had this same convo when she read it

rpm- I am scared to go to that site.

fadkog-i am telling you its a man thing, glad i am no the only one.

tg-do you have kids.

moe- that is fucking hilarious.

nucmed- children is all we have, shit that should be a hallmark card.

weesle- please tell me who you are

heather- precisely why i wont get married

lex-you are freaking cracking me up, threw up a lirttle in my mouth. But I totally get what you are saying

rat- is this code?

Tiffany said...

Get him some flushable wipes. I hope my son learns to wipe his own ass one day. That will mean I was able to accomplish something as his mother. Ahh when will that wonderful day come?

Anonymous said...

Me: ROFL
My Brain: TMI!
da cuz

The Nemesing One said...

I know you didn't want to hear from the masturbation crowd, but if it were me taking a shower after going to the bathroom it would have to be because I had just pulled my pud. I'm sure that's not the case with your son. No, no way at all.

Tasha said...

Conversation blogs are my FAVORITE! Hairy butts....yea. I cant wait for that question. *sigh*